The Estrogen Connection

Communication

So a friend blogged about friendships within the genders recently. I'm reminded of this after our own conversation last night. This is the same friend I mentioned a few days ago who joked about my state of busyness at work.

She'd read my post about that situation and wanted to make sure we were on the same page about where she was comin from. I hadn't meant my post to be any sort of dialogue or message to her.. merely wanted to explain my process for working through a personal insecurity. But I can relate to her desire to make sure we both understood each other completely. I think it's a girl thing... we're all about communication and yappin about everything entirely too much. *grin*

But it was a good talk. She explained that she doesn't REALLY think I spend most of my work hours playing online... siting the excellent deduction that they would hardly be creating a new position for me if I had nothing to do. Which is a very good point... lol. Though I hadn't believed she judged me for it, I'm glad to know she really didn't have that impression. I think it's natural that we hope our friends think well of us.

Growth

But I'm also glad to have come to the same conclusion as I did. Above all else, no matter what anybody else's opinion or impression (negative or positive), the only thing that should truly matter is my knowledge, acceptance and approval of myself and my own motives. I've learned to actually believe a little more of this each passing birthday. I've certainly come a long way towards that end, anyway.

Emotion Management

Amway, I explained to my friend that all is good. I'm not upset... and have long been over feeling defensive over a harmless joke. We're still learning to recognize sensitive buttons with each other. :) I also explained that in days of old, my temper was known to flare quickly, but almost just as quickly cool back down... and that I may take a li'l longer to get upset these days, but I usually still reason my way out of it fairly quickly. After our conversation, I thought on it some more, and realized that's not entirely accurate. When my temper shows it's feisty li'l head, it can still happen zippety quick... I just don't get upset over very many things in the first place.

And I still can never stay mad for long. I'm not one to plan revenge or nurse a grudge, cuz I can never seem to remember just what I was so mad about after a few days. Perhaps cuz it's just too much energy to sustain that kind of emotion... violates every principal of laziness. Plus, I do not like feeling out of control... especially from my own emotions. Whether it's obsession, depression, anger, fear, etc. ... it all contrives to control my actions and state of mind. I like to think I've gotten the knack of controlling most of my emotions. Power of the mind and all. I think also it's partly a natural defense mechanism in handling and/or surviving my Empathy... which is a completely different issue (and one many consider rather radical) that I'll add to the list of things to get into another time.

I think I'm gonna have to sit down for a few days straight and go back to all the things I've said "I'll talk about that later". lol