Scrambled Brains

So it feels like I have tons to blog about… though, really, it’s just a few issues. They’ve just been absorbing so much of my mind this morning. And since the workday has been pretty slow so far, I think I’ll get some of it out while it’s still fresh in my head and before too much work stuff shoves it into a corner.

Morning Snapshot

But first, a moment of clarity… it really is relevant to my frame of mind this morning, cuz it allowed me a chance to clear my head and just experience the senses.

It was one of those things that just strike you... clear moments when every detail registers in a quiet sort of way. I actually woke up to my alarm on time and didn’t need a shower, so I had a little bit of leisure to tumble thoughts through my head while pacing (that’s pretty much the only way I can do any hard-core thinking) and to soak in the view out my patio door. I’ll be getting into the subject of those thoughts in another post, but the view provided one of those arresting moments. It’s not really a spectacular view, but it’s quite peaceful.

Grassy Knoll

My apartment complex consists of several 8-unit buildings… 4 units in a square on the bottom, and 4 upstairs. The building fronts obviously face their respective streets, and the backs look out onto a very large, kind of communal back yard. It’s probably about the size of a few blocks, because apartment buildings frame it on all sides, down the cross streets. Being Misery, where nothing’s flat, the grassy area kind of rolls with mini hills, and is dotted with a modest amount of trees. Somebody has a swingset out near the middle… and there’s a picnic table to the right of my building.

My Small Patch of Outdoors

I have my own tiny li’l patch of the outdoors for my own, on my patio. I have a patio table and stack of chairs, covered for the winter, up against the wall. Pewter firefly windchimes hang from the deck above, and two large planters sit in the outer corners of the patio. One holds the tree (I’m not sure what kind) I grew from the seed of the trees that stood outside my old apartment about 7 years ago. I named it Natasha after my childhood cat who had just died that year. It now stands taller than me, and sprouted it’s own first seeds just this year. I feel like a proud grandma or something *wiping a tear*

Bad News Cucumbers

In the other pot is a dying cucumber plant. I don’t seem to have much luck with cucumbers. And normally I have a totally green thumb. I mean, I have a virtual jungle in my library. But last year my cucumber plants went to pot (no pun intended) after a li’l quad of itty bitty baby birds died in them. Many birds nest up in the deck above me every year, and I dunno if the particular pair who set up shop that season were just bad parents, or if another pair took over and simply shoved out the current tenants. But there I was with these pathetic li’l miniature plucked chickens with HUGE beaks, dying in my cucumber plants where they’d fallen. I did what I could to try to offer them protection, but knew I couldn’t stay home 24/7 to feed them as they needed, so could only hope mama bird could find them. Evidently she couldn’t, cuz they didn’t last long. I just didn’t have the heart to keep the plant alive after that.

This year, I think I just planted the cucumbers too late, cuz the nightly cold snaps haven’t done them much good. Plus, I think they need more than the weekly waterings I give everybody else, and I simply forget about them during the week. However, there’s one lone survivor amidst the withered stalks and leaves… as if the plant sapped all of it’s resources from the rest of itself to give to this one cucumber. That brave li'l veggie almost makes the whole thing seem even sadder, yet somehow encouraging at the same time. It certainly looks quite odd.

Soaking it In

So that’s the scene that greeted me this morning. I opened the sliding glass door to let in some fresh cool air and, of course, Ms. Pukesalot was right there, nosing her way between my feet to catch a sniff of the outside world. I think I’ve mentioned she loves open windows. It had just rained lightly, so the patio was still damp, and everything smelled crisp. The sky was still overcast, promising more rain, and a slight breeze encouraged the chimes to emit an occasional lingering jingle.

It was a very calming moment, especially amidst the turmoil of my thoughts.