Evolving Interpersonal Relationships

So, looking at my last post a few weeks ago, I realize that I HAD a lot to catch up on at one point… but have since forgotten almost every single one of them. Gotta love short term memory loss. And/or CRS.

Happy Birthday to All!

I DO remember I was gonna mention all the birthdays last month, though. Including Pop’s, Halloween Nut’s, Mikee’s and my Aussie’s. All near the beginning of February. And the only one I really talked to on his birthday was my Aussie… and he even had to remind me that his birthday was that weekend rather than the following one. It’s hard for me to keep track of birthdays. I usually remember months pretty well… days and years are a crapshoot. It was good to chat with my Aussie again, though… pretty much all day, too. Good thing it was a slow day at work. Our communication is sporadic at most these days.

Anti-Social to All!

I meant to call up Halloween Nut and/or Mikee, too, for their birthdays… but every time I started thinking about sittin down to call, I just didn’t feel like it. Sounds horrible, I know. Maybe it’s a phase, but I think I’ve been a bit more anti-social than usual lately… I kinda just don’t feel like yappin simply for the sake of yappin. I used to be great at that… just ramble on and on and on and on about whatever happened to come to mind. And since most of my friends are equally adept at such conversations, it always worked out great. With a much increased phone bill, of course, but some things are worth the cost.

Thankfully, though, most of the peeps I talk with regularly anymore understand my tendancies to need my own space. Last time Bus Snob called, she could tell I was a bit subdued (which she has learned means I’m other on meds, in pain, have been sitting in front of the tv like a vegetable for an hour or more, or all of the above), and asked if I wanted her to leave me alone. Now, even when I’m feeling anti-social, I’m always open if a friend needs to talk. However, that notion came out as: “Well, do you have anything interesting to talk about?” Doh! I mean, how rood can one get? lol

Fortunately, though, Bus Snob has been known to spare no qualms for gettin straight to the point, herself, so she was not offended in the slightest. IHOP Buddy is much the same… well, she’s not usually so abrupt, but she also cherishes her time alone. With a hubby and two kids, this is certainly understandable.

Money Between Friends?

Unfortunately, I’m kind of concerned that Halloween Nut is not quite on the same page. I DID send her a Happy Birthday e-mail, and tried to laugh off my failure to call as a symptom of my turning into an anti-social old hermit. When I briefly saw her a few days later on IM, she was rather formal and distant… before her connection went kaput and she disappeared.

There could be any number of reasons for this… she could be miffed that I blew off calling her (though she hasn’t called me, either, since last we saw each other last October). She could simply have been having a bad day. She could be avoiding me since it’s about the time of year (tax return time) that she promised to pay me back the money I spotted her last year when she was tryin to get on her feet in her new apartment, and thinks I’m gonna hound her for it. *sigh*

This happened the LAST time I loaned a friend a good chunk of money. The money doesn’t bother me… the avoiding me cuz they think the money bothers me, THAT bothers me. They say you shouldn’t borrow or lend between friends. I thought I had that popular notion beat, by being careful not to let it interfere with my friendships. Unfortunately, I have no control over how THEY let it interfere with the friendship. I really should have learned by now. And I have nobody but myself to blame for this last time, cuz I’m the one who insisted on helping her.

Changing Friendships

Oh well… I guess we’ll see how it works out. She’s still working through a big phase of emotional growth and independence… she’ll find her own niche in life, and will determine at that point where her friendships lie within that niche. I feel we are still close in many ways, but we may have grown apart to an extent that we can’t quite relate anymore. I had a small taste of that when I saw her and my other friends in San Diego last October. Still being together in the same geographic area, they’ve developed an inter-dependent relationship with each other… one person’s strengths picking up where another may have weakness.

Such interaction clashed sharply with the way I’ve grown in my own life… independent, physically far from most friends and so learning how to compensate for my own weaknesses and taking care of myself. At the time, we were able to talk it through, recognize the differences between us and learn to adapt for the short time we were together. Compromise seemed like a very achievable goal at the time. Perhaps, with distance between us again, and no knowing when I’ll be able to move back to San Diego, those differences don’t seem so surmountable. She needs close interaction in her life right now… I can’t give that. Will our friendship survive? I guess we’ll see. I think Radish is also feeling a little bit of distance from H.N., too.

And Then, Friendships Can Be a Constant

Thankfully, my friendship with Radish seems to still work, finding common ground between my anti-socialicity and her more interactive friendships. But then, I think she shares a bit of my social inclinations, and could very well have grown in the same direction that I did had she been in my position. I’ve had a chance to talk to her a few times in the last few weeks. She recently moved into a new place, and so we had lots to discuss. It was good to do so… I’m glad our friendship has remained a constant in my life.

I’m not so anti-social that I believe I don’t need people… Everybody needs people to a certain extent. We need emotional and mental and physical interaction… just on different levels. I’ve simply accepted most of the relationships I enjoy just as they are… and know that those relationships evolve, can grow apart or closer. Can end abruptly or gradually over decades.

Ah, but I’m getting detached and philosophical again. *shaking it off*