Distraction

So the human brain is an amazing creature, don't you think? Capable of complex analyzation, communication, information processing, creativity and oodles of other stuff.

And equally capable of being completely railroaded... overloaded... fried.

At the moment, I can't focus on a damned thing. Too many things whirling through my brain... options and directions that have been taken out of my control for (hopefully) only a few short days. And even when I DO try to examine options and exert control over my life, I'm quickly reminded that I don't know squat about some things.

Yeah, okay... I'll stop talking in generalities. The gist of my current mental upheaval is the imminent death of my car. I found out Friday that she burst a head gasket... and that it'll cost at least a grand to fix. The car's not worth a grand, let alone a friggin head gasket. She still runs... and will hopefully continue to do so for a little bit longer. At least as long as it takes to get my finances straightened out for a new one.

And that's where I'm stalled. I went out with the folks to look at cars on Saturday. A lot of cars. I didn't know Columbia had so many friggin car dealerships. It was a hot day... thankfully punctuated by thunderstorms later in the afternoon, so it cooled down some. But I got a good idea of how much I'm realistically looking at to purchase a new used car. A good $4 grand than I was expecting to spend. And I'll have significantly less to work with than I was expecting to have in October, as I won't have the next several months worth of VA payments to contribute to a down payment.

So I'm lookin at a good sized loan. Now see... both of my folks are involved in this process. Pop, cuz he knows cars and I don't. In fact, I'm totally lost in the wheelin and dealin of purchasing a car. And the negotiating and the lying to couteract THEIR lying... Blech! I've decided that when Pop finally kicks off (someday in the far, far future), I'm simply going to buy Saturns forever after. Unless somebody else starts their whole "what you see is on the sticker is what you get" policy.

Mom is involved cuz she's the financial wizard of the family. I think I have a handle on my finances, and she quickly proceeds to inform me about everything wrong with that line of action. She's good at looking at the big financial picture. Pop's good at looking at cars. I start trying to think of ideas to solve my own problems, and I'm inevitably shown the error of my ways. This is somewhat frustrating. I mean, I think I'd be just fine if I ended up muddling through this on my own. But both of them know how to do it just a bit better... a bit more efficiently. I love my mother dearly, but she's great at assuming that I think precisely as she does, and that I will automatically agree with every suggestion she makes. Her logic is impeccable, so thinking or suggesting otherwise just comes out sounding completely silly.

*sigh*

So this is one area of my life in which I have to completely give over the reins. At least if I wish to accept their help. I still have a choice. I can muddle through on my own, make my own choices, stay in (questionable) control... and potentially make some severe blunders I'll be paying for for who knows how long... but also learn from my mistakes. Or accept help from folks who know what their doing... swallow my pride and accept the fact that I don't know squat. And, to be completely honest, don't want to know squat. I mean, how many times in my lifetime will I be purchasing a car?

Not very many, if I have anything to say about it. And making the right decisions could ensure that. So my choice is to accept their help. And bite my tongue when I make a suggestion and my mother makes it sound completely rediculous.

So the other thing that's holding at bay my ability to simply buy a new car and get out of this friggin predicament... is my dependency on the bank for a loan. We submitted an application at my credit union for a consolidation loan on Saturday. Was promised 24-48 hours for an answer, and I've still heard nothing yet. It was a pretty big sum... considering I have over $20 K in cc debt, plus a good $10 K for a new car. I have no reason to believe they'll approve it... and no reason to believe that they won't. If the application is rejected, then I'll try for just a regular car loan. But I just don't know, and the wait is driving me buggy.

I just want this over with... I really need to work on my patience.