Heartbreaking

So I actually started leaking a tear or two while glued to CNN last night... at least until my cable cut out again (for the third time since I moved in May... peeps need to stop mowing over my damn cable.) I can't recall the last time I cried over the news... at least since 9/11. I suppose it was a good thing the cable cut out, cuz I could feel the pressure in my head from the emotion and it was working it's way to a migraine.

I even dreamed last night of visiting "Lake New Orleans"... while I watched my neighbor's little girl fall over a bridge with no railings. Another side-effect of falling asleep to the news. The bridge scenario, of course, coming from the report of almost 700 peeps in Iraq trampled in a panic on a bridge over the Tigris River. A railing broke and several women and children went over the edge, in addition to those that were trampled. *sigh*

And the Lake... well, I was already thinkin about that when I fell asleep. With two huge breaches in the levees around New Orleans that they can't manage to plug, the Lake, River and Gulf seem to be reclaiming the place (See downtown New Orleans above.) I can't help but wonder how they're gonna bail it all out. The Governor has ordered a mandatory evacuation... everybody out. They can't get food or clean water to everybody, and the water just keeps rising. Hospitals are trying to evacuate high-risk patients that they didn't want to move until absolutely necessary. Folks are looting all over the place... some for necessities, some to steal... and some armed. Corpses are floating through the majorly flooded areas (up to 20 feet in some places), and hundreds of peeps are still stranded on rooftops.

The storm surge seems to have been distributed all along the coast of the Gulf, and all kinds of shore communities are demolished. They're only beginning the body count. The whole thing really is heartbreaking... and the media's doing their best to over-dramatize everything. Though, they don't really have to embelish much. I read most of my news online for most of the day yesterday... but I have to admit that the images on the tv were quite a bit more sobering.

One interview with a rescuer was particularly sad... talking about the choices he had to make because of limited room... deciding which refugees were most urgent, and which to leave for the next trip... and having to leave pets behind. There were sad stories all over the news. I sat with Ms. Pukesalot, very thankful we were safe in good ol DRY Missouri, and that I didn't have to make that kind of decision. Then I promptly got online to donate to Red Cross and HSUS. They're gonna need all the help they can get.

Snappy Day

So mebbe I'm just having a PMS week... the joys of which are immeasurable.

I had to apologize to the Receptionist this morning for snapping at her irritably over a stupid phone call transfer. As soon as I was done with the call, I immediately went to apologize... she got her indignation and hurt off her chest, and we went on to talk about stress in general and how we've encountered it in past jobs. I'm confident all is good between us, but I'm sure that this will be yet another issue, on top of my previous miscommunication with a PM a few weeks ago, for behind-closed-door discussion. *sigh*

Besides, I'm still out of sorts over the incident. Kinda like emotional backlash or echoes that don't quite die out... at least for the rest of the day. I really do hate it when I snap at somebody, then immediately realize they didn't deserve it... cuz then I'm irritated even more, only at myself. So I'm doubly zapped, with no outlet cuz my conscience has kicked in.

It's by far not the first time it's happened. I've certainly done my fair share of apologizing in my life. I can't quite explain it... sometimes I have an amazingly even disposition, and can let all kinds of things just roll off my back that would have other folks twisted into knots. And sometimes not. Of course, hormones are frequently a culprit, but I can't always blame them. Empathy is also a culprit, but I can't always track down an irrational emotion down to anybody else. Then there's the typical male solution: essentially that I need to get laid. Whatever the combination of factors, the fact remains that I can lose my temper out of nowhere... but just as quickly get over it. Unfortunately, that doesn't quite happen fast enough to keep my mouth shut. *forehead smack*

Now, I realize this is not a unique human condition. I just wish the human condition made a bit more sense sometimes.

I know, I know... HA!

Not So Good...

So Katrina didn't leave a very happy wake yesterday. Lots of flooding, as suspected, in New Orleans (as seen to the left, there)... though not as bad as they feared. The city's protected by levees and pumps and such, and I guess there has been a few breaches and pumps not working. Evacuees may not be able to go home for several weeks, what with search and rescue efforts, flooding, damage to homes, diseases from animal carcasses and chemicals running amok.

Lots of mayhem in Mississippi and Alabama, too... and loss of life. Katrina brought a 30-foot storm surge to Biloxi as she came ashore, crushing hundreds of homes to their foundations. So far, they know of one county in Miss. that lost at least 80 peeps (30 within one apartment building)... and there's a lot more places they can't get to yet to see how more people fared. Insurance companies are estimating a multi-billion dollar price tag. And I can't even begin to think about all those "animal carcasses"... pets... wildlife... barnyard life. I know a lotta disaster shelters don't allow animals, so peeps who can't evacuate have to either try to rough it out with their beloved pets, or find room for them at already overburdened pet shelters, or leave them to die. I can't imagine having to make that decision.

The good news is that this country is great about responding to disasters and people (and animals) in need. The National Gaurd, Red Cross, Humane Society, plus all kinds of other aid organizations are mobilizing to help. According to Red Cross, they have the largest number of volunteers ever for one event. Katrina shut down several oil refineries and drilling along the Gulf, and I believe I read somewhere that the President is considering dipping into nation's Oil Reserves... which, personally I think is a good call. Now don't worry... that doesn't mean I like the man any more, but I can't claim he's COMPLETELY devoid of common sense. And he HAS been very good with responding to national disasters (read: hurricanes) within the last few years. Online news forums have handy links to the Red Cross, HSUS, North Shore Animal League America and such... which I'll need to make use of right quickly.

The bad news (well more bad news) is that experts think we have more like Katrina to look forward to in the near future. A few posts ago, I mentioned that places like Africa and the Middle East seem to be embroiled in one disaster or horror after another. I suppose, if you were to look in from the outside, we've got our own batch of FUBAR goin on.

Oh well... one of my favorite quotes is by George Bernard Shaw:

"The longer I live the more I become convinced that the rest of the universe is using this planet as an insane asylum."

I think the planet is just gettin sick of the inmates.

Katrina

So this is a boat on Hwy 80 in Mississippi. Hurrican Season hit with a vengeance this year, and the Gulf Coast is feeling it hard with Katrina these last few days... I think she was a level 1 when she went through Florida last week, then she went up to a 5 making her way through the Gulf of Mexico, and is down to a 4 as she wades through Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama and Florida this morning. Her eye is just off of New Orleans, and they're lookin at some massive flooding. Especially considering they're up to 10 feet below sealevel. *shakin head*

Mental note: add New Orleans to the list of places NOT to move to. Or anywhere on the Gulf Coast, for that matter. Hurrican season just seems to get more intense every year. They've already hit 11 or 12 named storms... all within the first month. I think I read somewhere that they historically get a little more than that many throughout the whole season.

Here's hoping everybody stays safe. My thoughts, and definately this month's RCD (Red Cross Donation) are with them.

Out of Sorts

So it seems that everybody's outta sorts lately... and that I'm having communication problems this week.

I got to chat with my Aussie again today after a long while... was good to talk to him, as always, but our convo was cut short, and I kinda feel it was left on an odd note. He commented at one point about my blogging about our convo... and I get the impression he doesn't think too highly about it. I can understand and respect that... it must be unsettling to wonder if something you say or do will be splattered across the internet. I try to be discreet or appropriately vague when I talk about other peeps' personal matters. But I'll certainly curb most content regarding him in the future. I told him I'd blog that I got to talk to him and he was in a bad mood. After which he insisted he wasn't in a bad mood. :)

But that's regardless of the fact that our convo was cut off oddly, and I have that "up in the air" feeling with yet another person until next time I talk to him. And our contact is even more sporadic than mine and IHOP Buddy's. *sigh* Mebbe I'm just losing my mind and imagining oddities where they're not. It does tend to happen, you know.

Miscellaneous Friday Observations

Kickin the Habit

So I heard a news tidbit on the radio this morning on my way to work. Evidently, there's a chimp at a Chinese zoo for whom they're trying to kick her smoking habit. She's been hooked for 15 years... started by picking up and smoking cigarette butts discarded by zoo visitors.

Okay, so how wrong is that? *shaking head*

Left in the Air

So there was a bit of a miscommunication between IHOP Buddy and myself yesterday. We got it straightened out, but we'd already gotten snippy at each other, and I'm not overly confident that we're all good yet.

I guess my part of the miscommunication lies in the fact that I'm not really good with asking people for help. First and foremost, for not being able to be self-sufficient... but also the awkwardness of relying on somebody else... being indebted to them. It leaves me feeling on an uneven playing field and I guess I can be a bit hypersensitive to anything having to do with the situation. Strangely enough, I have no problems being on the other end of the stick... I enjoy helping other folks, and the feeling of being needed. Somehow it seems hypocritical, but one just can't help gut reactions.

So the favor in question is helping me get my couch moved. The activity has been postponed for one reason or another... the most recent one being that IHOP Buddy completely forgot that her family had planned to take a trip to Branson this weekend. She feels bad about it, but I'm not overly upset. It's been put off this long... what's a little bit longer? In fact, I was beginning to like the idea of having another week to get my library together, since I'll be hostessing dinner again once I get the new couch moved, so I can show off the place.

But in our chat yesterday (IM can perpetuate a LOT of miscommunications), I somehow got the impression that they had a change of plans, and I asked about them being available Saturday morning after all. The way she seemed to correct me immediately made me feel stupid and that I was giving off the impression of desperation / impatience about moving a stupid couch. She got all defensive... I got all defensive... we got it straightened out, but there was still a feeling of uneasiness. She also explained that she was out of sorts because she felt jerked around by a few other things going on in her life, and I realized part of my immediate irrational reaction could have been picking up on her irritation.

Unfortunately, rationally understanding what happened in a situation never totally erases the bad feelings that come from it. I tried to call her last night... left a voice mail and never heard back. I tried to chat her up on IM this morning and she almost immediately signed off. There could be any number of inoccuous reasons... yahoo has been having issues lately and giving misinformation... and we don't ALWAYS call each other right back when we leave messages. We have a pretty easygoing and lackadaisical relationship. But if she IS avoiding me... well, my first guess is that she just needs some time to step back. Hopefully she'll have a chance to regroup from all the shit going on in her life right now, during her vacation this weekend. And she'll probly be ready to start a fresh take on things after that. I totally understand and respect that.

I just hate leaving things in the air like this. *sigh*

Friday Morning Downpour

Welp... the drought and scorching Summer days are definately over. I woke this morning to an odd sound that was reminiscent of wheels bouncing over roof shingles. Almost immediately followed by the start of a rather impressive thunderstorm... and then the cat puking. So the best I can put together from my half-awake memories is that somebody finally got up to my roof to get at least some sort of stop-gap coverage for the leak before the storm hit. And since Ms. Pukesalot gets an upset stomach from fussing over a mouse in combat boots five blocks away, it was probably inevitable that she lost the contents of said stomach from all the early morning noise.

I did my best to ignore that fact and just enjoy the sound of the thunderstorm until I realized she probably was in need of some reassurance. So I finally hauled myself outta bed. My alarm clock said I was long due for it, anyway... even though I don't recall the thing going off at all. I also checked the dining room, and the ceiling didn't seem to be leaking, so I'm hoping my supposition about the roof noises is a correct one.

Weekend Possibilities

Amway, that is the extent of my morning so far. I'm very glad it's Friday... and I'm thinking of suggesting to Mom that we go see "The Brothers Grimm" in the theatres this weekend. We usually only go to movies on those weekends when Pop works, though... so she may decide to wait. She hates thinking he'll feel left out, cuz he can't do movies anymore due to his sensitive ears. But she's been having a bad time of things recently, too, and she may just need a girl's day out. And I owe her, anyway, for doing my curtains.

The Grimace Report

So it seems like the whole Grimace situation has slipped anonymously into the night. And I just don't feel overly inclined to send a search party after it. But we both kinda saw this coming... even discussed it at length. We're too much alike in our anti-social-ocity. Two introverts who don't tend to reach out to peeps... who's friendships pretty much consist of more outgoing people who have drawn us out. We have no such catalyst with each other... and I have to admit that by time I stopped hearing from him last week, I was pretty much ready for it. It was a relief, actually... not from hearing from him, but from carefully thinking through and formulating responses. But I was also restless with the nowhereness... the stagnance of it. If that makes sense.

So, I've come to the conclusions that my comfort zone and my patience level lie on 2 completely different planes of existence. My comfort zone requires me to move slowly with interpersonal relationships... get used to somebody new... develop trust and a sense of comfort with them. And this works great for accidental friendships. Contact can be picked up and put down countless times through the course of months or years... and suddenly I realize I've made a good friend that I genuinely care about. But I guess when there's even the remote possibility of a romance in the works, there's a whole different expectation attached to the experience. And my patience level loses interest quickly.

I talked to Boomer a bit about it today (I've mentioned him briefly before, and still am not inclined to go into much more detail about him yet), and he thinks that it's simply a matter of meeting somebody who can comply with both my comfort zone and patience level. I dunno... mebbe. Part of me wonders if I hold myself too firmly in check when I meet somebody, and insist on a pace that ultimately dooms the whole connection. But then the rest of me smacks that part of me and tells it to stop thinking so much and just enjoy being anti-social. lol It's certainly the easy way out, I suppose. And it's comfortable.

And right now, I'm perfectly comfortable being... well, comfortable. I was chatting with IHOP Buddy the other day, and she was bemoaning the clear signs of Gemini in both of her children. The foremost one being laziness... and I thought: A-Ha! I always knew I was lazy... just never realized it was in my stars... ;)

Yup, the Students are Back

So Mom and I were driving back from lunch (Mexican... yum) and we saw a slew of flashing lights ahead on Stadium Blvd. As we passed the excitement, all I saw was a car that looked suspiciously burnt... and all Mom saw was a pair skid marks headed straight for a downed tree. Evidently the ambulance and fire truck had already come and gone. I'm fairly sure you can put it together from there. *shaking head*

Each year, the crowd of students seems to be bigger and bigger. I heard somewhere that we have another record enrollment of around 30,000 students. That's about a third of this town's population. Violent crime seems to go up, too. School's been in session for 3 days, and the papers are already splaying across the front pages: local stabbing makes 5th Columbia homicide this year. Of course, having grown up in a big city, that's a laughable number, but still. For a city/town that's not used to daily violence, it can be a bit shocking.

The students are definately a good thing for Columbia. The city would have stagnated ages ago without them. But I wonder just how bad they might be for the place, too. The least they could do is learn how to drive. *snort*

The Good Life

So I like to keep up with the news... usually online. I scan the local newspapers delivered to the department every once in a while for local news, but the rest of the big stuff I read online.

Yesterday I read about the U.N. Secretary General Annan's visit to Niger. Now, this isn't the first I've been aware of the droughts, locust infestations and resultant major food shortage in several countries of Northwestern Africa. I suppose it just seems that Africa as a whole goes through one crisis or horror after another. Kinda like the general mayhem in the Middle East... it all seems to gel together into one big catastrophe and/or cluster-fuck. It requires a conscious effort to distinguish each issue to remain informed about what's going on.

So amway, I'm reading about Niger and I realize that I have a pretty good life, despite all my complains. It's hardly a novel thought... but one I should keep in the front of my mind more often than I do. Yesterday I wrote that I should have something good to blog about soon... and I do. I live in a society where I can live as I choose, and in a beautiful town that is constantly building and creating and growing. Though the prospect of terrorism or mass murders or rape or any number of horrid things is always a possibility, it's not a gauranteed daily reality in my life. I have a solid income and job I enjoy with people I like. I'm on the upward climb to eliminating my debt and I'm saving for retirement. My cupboards and fridge are stuffed with food and I could easily stand to lose 30 pounds. I adore my duplex filled with way too much stuff, and my new car.

I have a Mom who's also my best friend, who works until midnight to finish custom tailoring a set of curtains for me... or a bridesmaid's dress... or a witch's costume (she's damned good at it, too). And a Dad who's easygoing, open-minded, an informative authority on just about anything, and shares with me a fun sibling interaction that neither of us ever had (when he's in a good mood). I have awesome friends who accept me for who I am, whom I appreciate to no end, and who are there when I need them.... even if they're on the other side of the country.

Plus there's the added bonus that I'm not currently in pain. So at this very moment, my life is pretty damned good. I know there's not much I can do to help anybody else's life be pretty damned good, too, but I've decided to regularly give just a little bit to the Red Cross and the Humane Society. I know there are a hoarde of charitable groups out there, but I know for a fact that those two are legitimate. Plus, I've given to them before. I can't afford much at the moment on my extremely tight budget, but I can always give a little more when I can.

It doesn't fix the world or make anything all better. But it helps me feel better about my life. So even altruism is ultimately selfish. :)

The Good, The Bad, and the Dead

So I guess the past week has held a mixture of news: good and bad. Well, mostly bad, but I'm trying to maintain a positive attitude. Pretty sad when you have to work at it.

To Be in Pain, or Not to Be...

Amway, the good news is, umm... er... well, YESTERDAY my good news was that I wasn't in pain anymore. But that was kinda shot to hell this morning. See, I had a VA appointment last week, and we decided to try to increase the dosage of my Amitriptyline because it didn't seem to be blocking as much pain as it did when I first started taking it. The number of my migraines seemed to be inching back up again.

I tried the higher dosage for three nights before I realized that I was fighting insistent migraines every following day. I went back to my normal dosage Saturday night... and it was blissful painlessness Sunday and yesterday. It doesn't really make sense to me, but I just go with what my head says is good or bad.

But then I woke up this morning with a dull ache in my neck and temple that just won't go away. It's JUST bad enough to trigger nauseousness and for the constant piercingly high pitched whine of the water pipes above my work area to go straight through my head. *sigh* This shit's really beginning to get old. Part of me wonders if my body is simply objecting to all the changes of drugs I'm throwing at it. I'm not really sure what to do. Cold turkey is definately not an answer. But I'm seriously considering cutting the Amitriptyline... eventually, anyway. For one thing, it leaches every bit of energy from me for quite a while after I take it... so this means that either my evenings are shot to hell if I take it early, or my mornings are shot to hell if I take it late. Is the payoff worth it? And is it really helping the migraines anymore anyway? Who knows.

Duplex Progress... Kind of

Amway, my other good news is that progress is definately being made in getting my duplex decorated, put away, and generally put in order. Well, aside from the leak in the roof / ceiling that I found in the dining room this weekend. Recently uncovered with the slew of rainstorms that have finally reprieved the drought. I laid down towels and called it in yesterday morning. It rained again last night, but not enough to cause problems, I think. I'm not sure they've had time to fix the roof, and I know they haven't done any repairs to the ceiling. We'll see how it goes.

Bad News Around Me

Let's see... what else? Well, a good friend is going through a bad situation that challenges her self esteem and vulnerability... and that's always the worst to deal with, cuz it affects one's very foundations. She'll get through it, of course, but there's no getting around the hardness of it... and I can totally relate to her feelings, if not her exact situation. I won't go into any more detail than that, but it's hard to be chipper when a friend is hurting.

Then there's our Receptionist... I knew her hubby had been in the hospital recently with cancerous tissues in his lungs. What I DIDN'T know until this past week is that he's been given about a year to live. I guess I hadn't thought of his cancer as terminal, because the Receptionist has survived cancer, herself. So there she is... she misses a lot more days these days, and sometimes she gets a little quiet and/or morose, and we make more conscious efforts to include her in our convos. She's been through a lot, and looks like she'll be through a lot more.

The Sit-Down

Oh, and I got a talking-to last week, too. Office Manager felt a need to discuss a few things... primarily a miscommunication with a PM that I'd already cleared up. But also the fact that I've become pretty comfortable with the group I work with... and have let myself exhibit more of my anti-morning nature with them. So the long and the short of our conversation is that I just need to pay more attention to how I project and to whom. Which was part of the miscommunication previously mentioned.

Oh, and there's the everpresent tardiness issue. It's becoming more of an issue, though I think I've been improving. The Amitriptyline doesn't help in that department... I know I sleep through my alarm a lot of mornings, and sometimes just can't wake up. Another reason to ditch the meds if they don't start making a real difference.

Everyday Morbidity

And lastly, there's the dead. Well, I assume as much, anyway. My morning started REALLY crappy yesterday, when a vehicle a few cars ahead of me on the way to work hit a squirrel. The poor little thing obviously had a broken limb of some sort and he was equally obviously panicked... he was frantically and erratically writhing and jerking all over the road. I stopped, my heart breaking for the li'l 'guy, and felt absolutely helpless to do anything to help. I wanted to get out and at least get him out of the middle of the road, but I know he would have bitten me in his panic and you have to be careful about any wild animal bites. And I had nothing I could wrap him up in. I could do nothing but wait until he had wiggled to the other side of the road so I could pass... hoping nobody else would hit him again, and not wanting to think about the fact that it would probly be the most humane thing anybody could do for him.

Then I got to work and shared with Mom... and she honestly did try to make me feel better. Suggesting that I think of a way to help in the future... institute some sort of rescue organization. It was hardly realistic, and the thought didn't really help at all... but I didn't tell her that. I've been in Columbia for 11 years, and I still haven't adjusted to the reality of roadkill around here. I mean, it's nice and all to have the woods and wildlife be a part of the city, but I'm developing the conviction that people and wildlife should not co-habitate. I thank providence that I've never hit anything in my car, but it's an intrenched fear in the back of my mind every time I drive... that I will inevitably be unable to avoid it one of these days. The damn li'l things just don't have the sense to stay out of the road. *sigh*

So amway, that's the gist of my past week. But life is always a balance, so I'm sure to have something good to blog about soon. For today, I foresee an evening of drugged stupor buried under a pillow. At least Mom finished the curtains for my bedroom, so it stays nice and dark in there. :)

I really, really, really wanna go home

That is all.

Dreams in the News

So falling asleep to an NPR radio station has it's drawbacks. At night and most parts of the day, KBIA plays classical music (sometimes some wierd new age stuff at night) but in the morning it's National Public Radio... ie: the news. Right around that timeframe between deep sleep and wakefulness, when your dreams can be affected by outside stimulation that's just outside your peripheral awareness.

More than once I've woken up from dreams directly related to the news I'm hearing. A few weeks ago, my dream took place in Iraq. I was in a troop transport vehicle (not as a part of the military... I'm not sure what my purpose there was) and somehow our best chance of surviving a roadside bomb was to stand along the edges of the vehicle with our hands in the air. *shrugging* I never said the dreams made sense... lol But sure enough, there was a story on NPR about yet more of our troops dying from a roadside bomb.

Just last night, my dream took a slightly different twist... I dreamed I was listening to reports of a downed plane in Greece, WHILE I was crashing on a plane in Australia. It was pretty detailed... for some reason I had a head-on view from my passenger seat, and the plane was going down at a landing angle, only over the water between a couple of piers. Both wings snap off on the piers, and the body of the plane crashes down into a dry dock of sorts. Everybody's perfectly fine. And the whole time the plane is going down, I'm not afraid... just annoyed that the news keeps going on and on about the Greece plane, and nothing about mine. lol How narcissistic can I get?

On the one hand, waking up to NPR provides some entertaining dreams... on the other hand, my dreams are also beginning to take a rather dark turn. I may have to adjust my radio station back to innocuous pop and soft rock. :)

A Small Gesture

So it really is easy to focus on the bad stuff all the time. But something happened to me back in April, I think, that I kept meaning to blog about but kept on forgetting. So, since I'm pretty bored silly at work today, I finally remembered and decided to share.

I still had Paulie (my old Corolla) and one of her "new" tires kept losing pressure all the time. It wasn't that big of a deal... I mean, 25 cents at the air pump every month or so didn't seem that big of an expense compared to buying a new tire. Especially considering I had no idea how long I'd still have the car, anyway.

So it was late one night, and I remembered I needed to get more air in the tire. I pulled up to the li'l pump, and started pokin through my wallet for quarters. Nada. So, irritated at the inconvenience, I pulled out a dollar and went to the gas station mart to get change. As I was walking towards the building, I noticed out of the corner of my eye small truck pulling up behind me. A kid and a dood that looked like he was possibly grandpa got out and pulled a bicycle out from the back of the truck.

My irritation increased slightly cuz they got there after me, but they would probably be in and out long before me cuz I didn't have any stupid quarters. Irritation went out the roof while I was inside, cuz the two customers in front of me seemed to both have problems that took five years to take care of. And all I wanted was 25 friggin cents to get air in my tire.

I finally got out of there and headed back to my car. Sure enough, the truck was gone... kid and grandpa had taken care of their air and left. But as I got to my car and knelt down to twist off the li'l air plug, I suddenly realized it was no longer flat. I double checked with the pressure gauge, and also checked all of my other tires. They were all at the perfect pressure. I realized that kid and grandpa had used the rest of their paid air to fill my tires, since you get a lot of air for 25 cents and I'm sure it didn't take much to fill those bicycle tires.

I suddenly felt really stupid and guilty for being so irritated, and wished they'd stuck around for me to thank them. But I imagine they might have been the type to be embarassed by effusive thanks from strangers... just as I would be. So I decided that if I'm ever in the same situation, I'd try to pass on the favor.

And not to be so irritated at small inconveniences.

Move it, Move it, Move it!

So it's movin time again... this time, helpin my folks. With all of their new purchases, they have to make room for them.

The New TV

First was movin their old tv hutch from downstairs to upstairs. It was relegated to the basement after their last new tv didn't fit in it. Mom hated that... the hutch matches her Victorian themed decor, but that tv was supposed to help equalize the sound to help Pop's sensitive ears and still let everybody else hear what's going on. That ended up a bust. So now they're trying an LCD... and it fits in the hutch! So up from the basement it came.

This happened Friday night. You know... when I was in pain and on drugs. But I'd already promised them I'd help them... and it had to be done that night cuz the tv was showing up the next day. At least the movers had agreed to haul the behemoth tv downstairs. I'll say this much for pain, drugs and moving furniture: On the one hand, adrenaline produces pain-dulling endorphins. On the other hand, my pain medication makes me short of breath, lightheaded and a bit unsteady. It was an interesting evening. But I obviously survived.

The New Bed

Next came the bed(s). Mom and Pop have gone through one specialized mattress after another, trying to find something comfortable for the both of them. Their most recent reject is a Tempurpedic, currently being replaced with a Beauty Sleep mattress. It's poofy. If this doesn't work out for the both of them, they may end up just sleeping in separate beds.

Amway, the Tempurpedic had to go downstairs in the guest room (this happened Wednesday), while the Queen bed in the guest room came out to perch smack in the middle of the family room downstairs. Until they figure out if they still need it or not. So we may be done moving the beds... or not.

The New Recliner

Next is the couch. I think I previously mentioned that I'm taking their old couch off of their hands, to help make room for another reject recliner in the basement. Their new recliner has yet to be delivered. Amway, we may be (hopefully) moving the couch this weekend. Pop's concerned about getting it into the back of his truck with the permanently-fused camper shell, so I asked IHOP Buddy if she'd mind lending us the use of her truck... and possibly her hubby.

It was the gameplan for a while, but then IHOP Hubby's sister's premie died this week, and my friend thought they might be having the funeral over the weekend. After talking to her last night, though, I found out the funeral's on Monday... but her hubby is still driving back home kinda late on Saturday. So it depends on how he feels... hopefully we can get it done on Sunday.

Rollin Right Along

I have a bit of furniture shifting to do, myself, to prepare for the couch. There's a big old cabinet smack in the way of where I want the futon to go in the game room. I can probly handle that on my own, but I'll have to have help moving the futon. I hope to get a lot done in the library too... including putting together my last two bookcases and finally getting all of my books out of the pile of boxes in the corner.

Either way, I'm lookin at a pretty busy weekend. :) At least I got all of my plants potted, repotted and squared away this past week. A lot of other things were waiting for them to get done, so now I can forge right on ahead.

The Dreaded Squeak

So last Friday I ended up takin Ivy into the dealership in JC where I bought her. My 60 day used car limited warranty is up at the end of this month, so I figured I'd best get a few concerns addressed while I can still do so for free.

First was the brakes squeeling every time I applied them. I wasn't sure if it was really a problem or not, but I wanted to make sure. Second was the air conditioning. It worked great when it was cold out, but I don't really NEED the air conditioning when it's friggin cold out.

So... since Pop doesn't work on Thursdays and Fridays, he followed me down there Friday morning (amidst a spectacular storm... yay cuz we needed the rain, but good gawd I hate driving in storms) and then he took me back down at the end of the day to pick her up. Mom ended up coming with for that last trip, cuz I had a blazing migraine and on drugs and wasn't too steady. So she drove me home. We had to work in a visit to the chiropractor in the middle of all that, too.

Amway, the dealership garage ended up fixing my air condition and replacing my brake pads. They told me that the brakes were squeaking because the pads had worn down to the glued part, which tends to squeak. It was very nice of them to replace the pads, though it wasn't that big of an urgency.

However, I'm beginning to wonder if the glue was really the culprit, cuz they're squeaking again. But at least I know I have brand new brake pads, and that the squeak shouldn't be that big of a deal. :)

9 Chickweed Lane

So one of my favorite comic strips is 9 Chickweed Lane. The whole cast of characters are great, but the most entertaining by far is the family Siamese, Solange. The strip periodically features a Hallmarks of Felinity theme which is SO true to life. This clip is from last week (Aug. 3), but I just today thought about posting some of my favorites. I'll try to keep up with them in the future.

Holding Pattern

So Grimace status at the moment is in a holding pattern... and it doesn't bother me. This is a good sign. It means I'm actually acting on the spirit of taking it easy, rather than just saying the words cuz it sounds like the sensible thing to do.

Cancelled by Default

Turned out we never met up this past weekend. He finally had to cry off of our mini-novel exchange to focus on his studies... about a week ago. We hadn't finalized any plans about when or where to meet, so I waited to hear back from him when he was ready to reconnect. Didn't happen. Which was okay with me, actually. I ended up getting a LOT of work done around the duplex, and shopping, etc. My bad-shoulder downtime has officially come to an end.

I suppose I could have pushed the issue... could have tried to contact him and say: "Hey, what's up? We're supposed to meet this weekend." But I just didn't feel like pushing it... I mean, inclinations can change at the drop of the hat, and there's not much anybody can do about it. Forcing the matter just makes things uncomfortable all around. 'Sides... I suspected that, after such a stressful week, he probly wasn't feeling horribly sociable. I know I wouldn't be.

Jump-Starting Communication

So I wrote to him on Monday, letting him know I'd be shutting down my personals ad by the end of the week, and offering my regular e-mail addy if he felt so inclined to get back in touch when/if he was ready to do so.

I never even got online yesterday, as I stayed home... half with a migraine/on drugs, and half trying to get some stuff done that I missed over the weekend. It's an interesting combination, let me tell you. Amway, turns out he wrote me right back, as I was met with an e-mail dated yesterday, when I got back online this morning.

Thought Provoking Issues

Seems there were a variety of issues that held him back from contacting me again.

1) Yes, he was feeling incredibly anti-social all weekend. This I'd suspected.

2) He had a lot to think about. First, there were evidently a few small elements of our (my) correspondence that somehow rang some alarm bells from things he'd dealt with in the past. He didn't elaborate so I'm not sure what it was, though I can suspect. When I responded, I explained that I know I'm not perfect, but that I've no problems with facing my weaknesses and being upfront about them. I can't assure him that I won't repeat whatever disasters he'd experienced in the past... just as he couldn't assure the same to me. The way I see it, we can either live in fear of historical repetition, or we can treat our communication as unique and accept that it will go good or go bad based on it's own merit.

Personal Progress

Now, with each male connection I've made since I freed myself from the shackles of "victimhood", I've grown just a little bit more. And I think my growth this time is reflected in that I'm still maintaining my self respect and identity in the face of even minor criticism. All too often in the past, I've instantly shifted to a sense of inferiority, wondering what's wrong with me and apologizing for it anyway. But I've achieved a mindframe in which I don't feel a need to apologize for anything.

I never really told him much about my "issues" (some things don't need to put out there right off the bat), but I might have hinted to a small part in explaining why I'm more comfortable maintaining a more logical perspective to my emotions. But whenever or however it comes out, my past is my past... and though I'm a far cry from working completely through it, I feel I have a handle on not letting it rule my thoughts and actions, so I feel a sense of confidence and self empowerment. It really helps me to not feel overwhelmed by possible rejection or an unknown outcome. In fact, I kind of welcome an unknown outcome. I don't really want to know what tomorrow holds for me.

A New One on Me

Amway, with his misgivings in mind, he also has another situation with another girl with whom he's been in communication. Somebody he met a few months ago, who has stepped up the emotional notch. From his explanation, I'm not sure if he's ready for that or knows if it's the right thing for him. Hence, continuing his search on personals ads.

Again, this new piece of information doesn't bother me. For one thing, I haven't really allowed myself to take too much emotional stock in our communication. More of that living by the spirit of taking it easy, I suppose. For another thing, I completely understand finding oneself juggling several different individuals when you dabble in these personals ads. Sometimes they get narrowed down to one, a few, or none at all. This is actually my first time in Personal Ad land where this hasn't happened to me. I only came out with one really interesting prospect.

Que Sera Sera

Amway, I genuinely enjoy my communication with Grimace, and hope that it continues... wherever it turns up. I don't really have any hopes or expectations for the outcome, so I'm good with whatever works out. He obviously has a lotta things to work through on his own, and I'm cool with letting him do that and getting back to me if/when he's ready. He expressed an interest in doing so, so at least that much is encouraging. But if he doesn't... well, I suppose I'd be disappointed, but certainly not devastated. Hermits are rarely devastated by the prospect of being left alone for a little while longer... lol

I'm in the Money...

So I found out Monday that our raises were confirmed for this year... yay! It's not a huge raise, but small is better than none. (Which does NOT apply to everything) Especially considering there were talks that they might be skipped again cuz of possible state education budget cuts. Funny how one of the first things to get chopped in a budget cut is education. Oh well. I just heard in the news recently that Missouri has been rated among the crappiest economies in the country for about five years. Well, I don't think the report quite put it like that, but close enough.

Oh well. The good news is: we got the raises! Even if it's just a cost-of-living bump, it helps keep up with inflation and all. And it just might cover the cost of keepin this place stocked on Peanut M&M's and mints... lol

The Dark Side of Brightness

So I came home yesterday to a much brighter back-half of my duplex. See, when I first moved in (just a few months ago) the back of my duplex butted right up against a really thick wooded area. Thick enough that I couldn't see the far edge of the woods on the other side. I have two rooms and the dining room that faces the back, so they were always very well shaded and cool. And it was gorgeous back there. Always have liked trees.

But in one day they managed to denude a huge portion of the woods back there. It was a bit of a shock. And very sad. There's a very thin patchy line of trees still on the duplex property, and beyond lies a huge mass of their slaughtered comrades for almost as far as the eye can see. :(

Not to be melodramatic or anything.

I suppose I partially knew it was coming. I knew that the City had annexed my building, as well as a few others of the complex, because they planned to develop within the near vicinity. I just hadn't realized it would be in the IMMEDIATE vicinity. And I know that's how progress and growth works. I mean, Columbia's borders have grown even within the 11 years that I've been here.

It's just hard to witness the sacrifice for progress. Not to mention the fact that the back half of my home is MUCH hotter now. I'm sure my electric bill will feel the difference, too. *sigh*

But hey... at least Mom doesn't have to fuss anymore about some fugitive mass murderer sneaking through the woods and breaking into my home.

Bits & Pieces

More Hot

So the temp's in the high 90's / low 100's again this week. And mebbe a 40% chance of a thunderstorm on Thursday. Blah. Mom and I even decided against our usual Tuesday out-to-lunch today. Just too damn hot (not to mention humid). Never used to think I'd ever say "too hot"... but then, I suppose I never anticipated the joys of getting old(er), either. :)

Small World (and/or University)

So I discovered last week that the New Girl in the office is actually pretty good friends with my old Boss From Hell. Was kinda funny, actually... we were talking about our bad experiences in past departments, and I started describing this woman. And the New Girl stops me for a second and asks: "What was her name?" I tell her, and she busts out laughing. She totally recognized the description. She agrees that the woman would be hell to work for... but they get along pretty well on an unprofessional basis.

Seeing Eye Cats?

So I've come to the conclusion that cats will NEVER be good candidates for Seeing-Eye Animal Companions. In fact, I'm also convinced that cats should never be foisted on the blind, period. They're dangerous enough for the Morning-Zombies (ie: me). Ms. Pukesalot's never so needy, insistent, directly under my feet and a pain in the ass as first thing in the morning. Or when I've "abandoned" her for longer than 2 hours. Which is essentially the same thing. I don't frequently lose ALL patience with her and yell at her to get out of the damn way... but when I do, she seems to get the point. At least for about 45 minutes. *snort*

Free Stuff

So I got free lamps this weekend. I'd been planning to purchase some new lamps (wrought iron, or at least a similar look, to match my pendulum wall clock and curtain rod in the living room) sometime in the future, when I had the money for it. Well... turns out, I got ANOTHER rebate from Lowe's from my Washer/Dryer purchase in May. This time, it was a Lowe's gift card... for $100. At first I thought: what the hell am I gonna buy at Lowe's for $100? I'm not quite the do-it-yourself fix-it girl. But then I remembered: Hey! Lowe's has lamps! So I got a really cool set of matching table lamp and floor lamp... both in a copper/iron swirled leaves pattern. VERY cool stuff. And free! Can't beat that with a stick. :)

Travelers Returned

So Mom and Pop returned from their trip to Sioux Falls on Saturday. They really enjoyed the place, aside from the state bird being the mosquito. Doh! It seems like the place is a serious candidate for moving time... Whenever that may be. They brought back all kinds of neat souvenirs... include, of course, a keychain for my collection. Pop insisted he absolutely couldn't wait for Sunday to show me all the stuff... so I schlepped on over soon after they got back. My keychain was pretty cool: featured the familiar presidential heads of Mt. Rushmore (Sioux Falls IS in South Dakota, after all), with images of four prominent Native American leaders overlaid in the sky above them. The caption reads: Founding Fathers. Pop got a mug with the same pic.

New / Old Furniture

Their return travel route included a stop by this evidently HUGE furniture mart in Omaha Nebraska... at which they found a new recliner for Mom. Which actually turns out working well for me, cuz I think they're gonna put the old recliner in the basement with another old reject. This leaves little room for the old sofa... so it looks like I may get to buy that off of them. Which will reunite MY recliner (another castoff of theirs) with it’s old cohort. So not only will I be able to move the futon to the guest room… I’ll also have a matching pair in the living room for practically nothing. I mean, this old set goes back at LEAST about 20 years. But they're still in great shape (my folks aren't exactly the type to thrash their furniture). They'll be perfect for me until I have the money for a nicer set that's more my style.

Grimace Status

So Grimace finally cried uncle yesterday and had to forego exchanging mini-novels with me until he could get his classwork finished up... probably after tomorrow. Which was fine with me, as I'm about ready for a break from writing, myself. While I express myself so much more coherently in writing, it still takes me about 10 times as long as it would take for me to just spit it out. But it was rather nice of him to give me a heads-up, rather than simply stopping our communication. He seems the considerate sort. At least in the first week *grin*.

I don't think that picking up again will be in question... especially as we've already agreed to meet up this weekend. And we've created enough of a comfort zone online (even if we'll have to start from scratch again in person) that I'm okay with meeting him so soon. And we're beginning to discover differences in our outlooks on life, which is actually a relief, as too many similarities just gets plain boring.

So, I guess Grimace Status so far is: Positive Progress with Positive Forecast. :)