Oh, Good Grief!

So some folks really need to get a handle on their priorities. We had another sweep of tornadic storms come through Mid-MO last night, and the local tv stations switched over to non-stop weather coverage.

Now, let me explain non-stop weather coverage. You see this great big radar weather map to track exactly where the danger is and where it's projected to be and when... you get one person after another (to relieve each other when their voices get raw) keeping everybody up TO the date on what's going on, warnings, tornado sitings, accidents, damage, etc.

Personally, I'm GLUED to these proceedings until I know the danger's passed my area. And even when it's past me, I certainly don't begrudge this important information to the folks who are ABOUT to get it. And I'm certainly NOT fussing about missing E.R. It is irritating as all get-out watching these newsfolks having to respond to complaints, apologizing and EXPLAINING on air why they're overriding E.R. to help friggin save lives. *snort*

Amway, true to form, the dangerous parts of the storm skimmed JUST north of Columbia. Thankfully. I'm tellin ya... this place is charmed. Though I have to admit: my enjoyment of a thunderstorm is severely diminished when I know tornadic conditions are out there, and I may have to dash into the utility room with Ms. Pukesalot (which event, I gaurantee, will inspire her namesake) at a moment's notice. Even though I know I'm watching the (theoretically) bad part skirt right around on the radar.

This really is unusual weather for us. I mean, thunderstorms are a regular staple... but I don't recall, for as long as I've been in Columbia, them turning tornadic this often. We're supposed to get more storms this weekend... guess we'll see how it goes.

Sentimental

So I must be getting sentimental in my old age... or mebbe it's just poppin up it's head more often again. I remember I used to be quite sentimental... then I woke up to the world.

Or mebbe it's just nice to see a positive story amidst the rest of the madness and chaos in the news. I mean, what is UP with charging a man with death for choosing a different religion? You know, I really do try to keep an open mind about other ways of thinking, but there are some things I simply can't respect. Seems "death" is the answer to everything for seemingly whole socities. Pfft...

But that's another story. I'm not here to get riled up... I just wanted to share a cool news story I just read. Even brought a tear or two to the eye. Though, even in the story, I simply can't wrap my mind around some mentalities. Roaming about in gangs and indiscriminately committing violence during a celebration? *shaking head*

Okay, I'm getting sidetracked again. Here's the story:

Transplanted Organs Create Family

And for when that link disappears, here it is in full:

Transplanted Organs Create Family

Recipients invited to donor's sister's wedding

SEATTLE, Washington (AP) -- As Larry Levinson watched news footage of a Mardi Gras riot in Seattle five years ago from his hospital bed, he got so mad that a nurse unplugged the television. With a heart as weak as his, he didn't need the stress.

But a 20-year-old man who died in the melee would end up saving Levinson's life.
Levinson received a transplanted heart from that young man, Kris Kime.
This weekend, Levinson will be there when Kime's little sister gets married. Several other recipients of Kime's organs are invited, too.

"To me ... it was just like inviting my brother," said Kirsten Kime, 22.

Levinson, 67, had been on the transplant list for years with cardiomyopathy, an illness that weakens the muscles of the heart. He was near death on February 27, 2001, as thousands of Mardi Gras revelers packed into Seattle's Pioneer Square district.

"I had a few days left," Levinson said from his home in Gig Harbor, about 25 miles from Seattle. "My heart rate was running at about 15 to 20 percent and I was having heart attacks, angina attacks."

As the party raged into the early hours of the next day, roving groups of young men beat people at random. Some wielded brass knuckles. Others swung skateboards like baseball bats.
Kris Kime was caught in the melee while trying to help a woman who had been shoved to the ground, witnesses said. He was pummeled, fell and bashed his head. He was declared brain dead less than a day later.

The story was big enough that Levinson and others in line to get transplants put two and two together after doctors told them their new organs came from a 20-year-old man who had died of head injuries.

Jessie Bettes, a 51-year-old Boeing Co. employee, received one of Kime's kidneys. Ray Page, 63, got the other. Ray Allison received Kime's lungs. Martha French was given Kime's pancreas.
The Kime family has organized reunions for the organ recipients a few times over the past five years. Every time Kime's mother sees Levinson, she puts her ear to his chest and marvels that her boy's heart is still beating.

Page said he will not be able to make the wedding because he has to work, but he sent Kirsten Kime and her fiance some margarita money to spend on their honeymoon in Mexico. Bettes hopes to go, if she can fight off a bout of laryngitis. Levinson said he will be there in the first new suit he has bought in years.

"You need to understand: We're family," Levinson said. "So it didn't surprise me at all that I got invited."

In death, "Kris is so much bigger than Kris was," said Jill Steinhaus, executive director of the Living Legacy Foundation, a branch of the LifeCenter Northwest Donor Network, which helped arrange the donation. "And that's really because of his family and the people who received his organs. They will never forget that young man. And they won't let us either."

Copyright 2006 The Associated Press.

Rough Weekend

So the weekend was a little rough. Dunno if my head is reacting to weaning the prevantative medication out of my system, or if it's simply about due. Who knows. It's not really over yet, either... I took Monday off, but I don't dare miss too many days. With job security at the top of my fuss list, I can't afford to become a liability.

So it's a balance... by time the pain meds from the night before start to wear out of my system and clear my mind a little, well, then I start hurting again. I can't really take an effective dose at work, so I work through and take some when I get home... but the pain's to a point that I have to take a double dose, and the cycle starts again.

Oh well... I've done this enough times to know the cycle will break. Eventually, anyway. For the moment, well... I'm still a bit groggy, but fortunately this is Spring Break week, and it's pretty quiet at work. No huge issues to wrap my mind around. And until it wears off, I don't hurt. Gotta be thankful for whatever I can get, eh? :)

Whoa...

So here (supposedly) is another pic from the storms a few weekends ago... taken in Sedalia, which is about an hour and a half away from me. The Office Whisperer's daughter, (who works at an insurance agency and is, understandly, pretty busy these days) sent it to her.

Either way, it's pretty cool pic. :)

Kamikaze Birds

All I can say is that there must have been tons of worms on the wet streets this morning. I had to maneuver around no less than 10 swooping, hopping or running birds (robins mostly) recklessly insinuating themselves directly in my path… all within perhaps 2 miles that I drive before I reach a major city street.

‘Sokay… I’ve had to test my driving reflexes quite a bit this week. On my way to work yesterday morning, I literally faced some sort of medium sized terrier calmly trotting down my side of the road directly towards the car. Fortunately, I wasn’t going very fast on the small road… but even after I stopped completely, he just kept coming as if nothing were out of place in the slightest. Afraid that the impatient guy behind me would just try to gun around me, not knowing why I was stopped in the middle of the street, and hit the dog (which has happened in the past), I finally beeped the horn at it a couple of times, and it meandered off to the side of the road. *shaking head*

And then on the way home later in the evening on that very same road, I had to wait for a family of deer to cross a carlength or two in front of me. As a rule, of course, if you see one there’s always more, so I just stopped until I could see no more coming, through the dusk. Three passed immediately, and then there was one last straggler that was novel enough to try angling back to pass behind me.

Honestly, though I’m a huge animal lover, I hate these kinds of encounters… precisely BECAUSE I’m an animal lover. Not only do I fuss about how I COULD have hit them and I may not be so lucky next time, I also fuss about who else will probably hit them. The evidence of such is quite readily available everywhere you turn around here. One of the things I’m not thrilled with about the place. I’ve come to the staunch conclusion that wild animals and cars should NOT cohabitate.

It's Officially Spring!

And we're supposed to get 3-6 inches of snow today.

*sigh*

Oh, and...

Happy St. Patty's Day!

Brilliant Conclusion

So I couldn’t help sharing my joy… very few things in life elicit true happiness, outside of childhood and falling in love. But I am genuinely happy. The subject of my happiness is really a rather minor matter… and only a guess. But it’s a possible solution, and possibilities ALWAYS trump hopelessness. :)

Struggle for Sanity

Okay, okay, I’ll get to my point. I know no few of my posts over the last several months have mentioned struggling with increased withdrawal… irrationality… self-doubt… and all-round symptoms smacking suspiciously of depression. Frequently more intense with my hormonal cycle, of course… all of which perfectly mirrors my experience 10-15 years ago.

I guess I’m particularly sensitive to the prospects of depression (over all other things in my life) because of this earlier experience. Of course, during adolescence, hormones are running wild… you’re just learning how to handle life… dealing with transitions… it’s a natural time to experience depression, before you can find your balance and stand on your own two feet.

For me, that balance was not found very quickly… but I DID find it. I learned what it took to be happy and confident with myself and my life… and I haven’t looked back since. But it’s always lurked there in the background… which I imagine is normal. Everybody experiences a certain amount of self-doubt and emotional struggles in any given stage of their life.

Tipping the Balance

But I know myself… and I know my own personal balance. And when that starts to break down… well, that scares me. I cannot STAND losing control over my own psyche. So here I’ve been… a tad alarmed over a trend I’m beginning to recognize but really not wanting to. I’ve even considered seeking counseling… which is something I really don’t want to do. I guess mostly cuz I don’t have much faith in it. I saw a psychologist when I was younger, and she really didn’t do me much good… I mean, she was nice enough to talk to, but I had to find the way out of my depression within myself. And I guess that’s how I’ve conducted my life ever since… with the attitude that I have to do it on my own.

Only problem is… I keep feeling I CAN’T handle it on my own… that it’s getting away from me despite my best efforts. Now, I have to mention one other time within the past decade in which my emotional state of mind completely evaded my logical capabilities. And this was when I introduced a long-term foreign substance to my system: a massive dose of hormones. I decided to try the depo shot several years ago… thankfully during a time I didn’t really NEED it (ie: while in a relationship which I could possibly destroy by turning into a raging bitch) and I proceeded to turn into a raging bitch. I didn’t stay on the depo shot.

Under the Influence

So I got to thinking last night. It’s been on my mind a lot… especially since recent conversations with friends who are also struggling with depression enough to consider seeking professional help. And I started thinking of what new foreign substance I may have introduced to my body in the last several months. And there it was. Last year, after I told the VA doc I didn’t like the side effects of the Amitriptyline (one of two migraine preventative options), he started me on Propranalol (the other option). At our next appointment three months later, I informed him I didn’t see any difference in my migraines, so he increased the dosage. I’ve been on that increased dosage for about two months now.

Well I looked the drug up online this morning, and lo and behold: right near the top of the list of possible side-effects is depression. Nice to know. Now, I suppose I can’t particularly blame the doc for not warning me about the possible side effect. After all, the list is pretty long. The VA conducts appointments in an impersonal assembly line… and I’d never had occasion to mention my history of depression in the past, so I don’t think it’s in my medical records. But still. It could explain a lot.

So I’m going to immediately discontinue the Propranolol. I guess I’ve seen a little bit of improvement in my migraines with the higher dose… but nothing is worth my sanity. The Amitriptyline worked much better, and that only made me groggy in the mornings.

Just a Possibility

Of course, the drugs may not be the answer. But there’s only one way to find out. So… if I don’t notice an improvement in my emotional state after discontinuing the meds, then I’ll know something else is the problem and I’ll need to look to other solutions. And I can always restart the Propranalol if necessary.

But if this IS the answer… I can’t tell you how relieved I’ll be. :)

Ever Feel Like Staying on an Even Keel is a Wrestling Match?

Damn hormones.


*mutter grumble*

Dodgin the Bullet

So I don’ t have a lotta time… The Receptionist and Office Whisperer are both out sick today… the Office Manager has been in a meeting for a good portion of the morning, and it seems all the PM’s saved up their stuff just for me since I was out on Friday. So I have a handy pile of work to get done.

Weekend Excitement

BUT… I HAVE to mention the storms this weekend. We had at least a dozen or so tornadic storm cells traipse through Missouri yesterday (and Kansas and Illinois and some others, I understand, but I think MO took the brunt of the bulk of them)… I heard this morning that there were over a 100 tornados in total, but according to news reports this morning, I can only confirm 32… 20 of which came through Missouri. 12:15 Update: I'm reading more reports saying 110 tornados across the midwest for Sunday alone, with 17 more on Saturday. Doh!

They came in 3 rounds… once in the morning, afternoon and late evening/night. Through the afternoon and evening bouts, I stayed glued to the radar on one of the local stations that covered the weather nonstop while there were tornado warnings in the area (7 or 8 hours total, I think). There were typically a dozen or more counties under severe thunderstorm or tornado warning at any given time… and Columbia’s tornado sirens went off no less than 3 times.

The Toll

Lots of damage, injuries and 9 deaths throughout Missouri… but, my little corner of Columbia remained unscathed. There was a brief scare while one of the afternoon cells passed through the north end of town, but… while I only experienced a little bit of wind, areas of the city as little as 5 miles north of me had windows broken and stoplights blown away, as well as damage from golf-ball sized hail (softball sized reported in other places).

The Office Manager happened to be right in the path, though, visiting a friend in town. Her car was completely thrashed by hail. The only thing we’ve heard from the Receptionist is that she’s out sick today, but we read that 4 were killed in tornados in Moberly, where she lives. And no less than 2 cells went straight through New Boomfield, where IHOP Family lives… I’m gonna have to call them up and make sure they’re okay. There were so many tornado sightings, I couldn’t keep track of where they were.

My Experience

It was just before that cell came to town that I retreated with Ms. Pukesalot to my utility room, which is my most interior windowless room. Like I said, we to the south ended up hardly feeling anything… but the warnings were flying, so you can’t be too careful. I heard one report immediately after of a tornado sighted just outside of town, but I never heard anything about it again.

As for the evening… like I said, I stayed glued to the weather radar all night. And I watched as cell after cell traipse through the area… they were moving north/north-east, and each time they passed either JUST north or JUST south of Columbia. The final cell was a long vertical one that held mostly just thunderstorms, and that’s the only one I actually felt. By time it got to us, the last tornado warning had expired and the local station I’d been watching finally switched off the non-stop weather. The storm was rather anti-climactic, but I’m certainly not complaining. By time I turned off the tv and crashed, it was roughly around 12:30 / 1:00 am… and I am whupped this morning. *sigh*

More?

Oh well… the price of excitement, I suppose. This morning is pretty choppy, too, and I’ve been reading about more storms headin through Kansas. I guess we’ll see how it goes. I wonder if we’ll still have our statewide tornado drill tomorrow.

Money Well Spent... Hopefully

So I made a pretty big purchase last weekend... which effectively put a halt to any other purchases for a while. *sigh* But it's worth it... I'm REALLY excited about it.

See, it all started with a discussion in the office for needing a notary public. I mentioned that I'd been one before for a previous job, and was promptly nominated to take on the mantle once more. So I'm in the process of doing that.

But last time I did this, I also (kind of accidentally) found myself in the employ of a west-coast bank who paid me a good chunk of money to take mortage loan documents to their customers here in Missouri, witness their signatures, and then notarize those documents before sending them back to the bank. And during my researches these last few weeks, I've discovered that such employment has become far more prevalent within the past decade, and much easier to find options for online.

In fact, I know that Radish has started doing just that back in California within the last few years... and I remember her telling me that one of her requirements was access to a laserjet printer. I guess these days, the banks don't send the doucments to you physically... they send it electronically, and then you need to print them.

So here's a good reason to acquire a laserprinter at home. They're really not that horribly expensive these days, for a basic black and white model. BUT... I've been jonesin for years for a good duplexing color laser printer which would make my Christmas card endeavors MUCH easier. My game plan has generally been to wait until I had a couple grand to throw away.... considering color laserjets have typically been much more expensive... and duplexing pretty much doubles the price.

Well, I guess the printer market is finally becoming more affordable. Because upon further research, I discovered that I could get all of the options I want for well under half of the amount I'd always thought I'd have to spend. And I figure: if I'm gonna put money into a printer for one purpose... I'd might as well get what I want for ALL purposes, instead of purchasing another one later.

So I did it. I had the money available (to cover any new artwork that happens to come up through the rest of the year) and I researched the best prices online... and I bought it. Funny, too, cuz with everything else I've been purchasing lately (mostly artwork), I spend at least a week agonizing over the purchase... asking myself if I REALLY need to spend the money on it... if there's something I'll like better come up the day after I spend it. And then I usually buy it anyway. Now that point is moot for anything else that comes up... at least for now, if or until the investment starts paying off. But I didn't agonize at all over the printer. It just seemed the right thing to do. Not too often that kind of conviction strikes, so ya just gotta go with it, right?

Amway, I received notice that FedEx is supposed to deliver it to the house sometime tomorrow... don't know exactly when. And since I'll be hostessing Family Weekend Dinner at my place on Saturday, it'll be nice to have an extra day to help get ready. So I'm taking tomorrow off. Yay!

Spring Peekin 'Round the Corner

So one of our project managers evidently has a gorgeous garden at home, cuz he brings in a steady supply of wildflowers to adorn our front desk areas throughout the Spring season. He brought in the first flowers of the year this week... a whole bushel of Forsythia branches right on the verge of blossoming, and they finally came into their own this morning. We just took some pics, and this shot was one of my faves. :)

I've also been taking a few pics of the construction progress going on in my back yard. They spent weeks on leveling out the land... and actually creating a hill-type upper level (presumably to put in units with walk-out basements) on the side of the cleared area closest to me. Then last weekend they deposited a couple of huge blocks right smack in the middle (I'm not really sure what they were... I'm sure I'll find out soon enough as progress continues).

Amway, I'll have to upload and post some of those pics soon. It will be interesting to have a front-row view of a former thick stand of woods transforming into a brand new neighborhood.

Aussie Thoughts

So I’ve been thinking about my Aussie a bit lately. Haven’t chatted with him for a while, but that’s not unusual. I don’t think I ever really keep track of the interim breaks between our communication, but I know that several months can be typical. And honestly, that suits my anti-social modus operandi just fine.

However, I keep feeling that our contact is growing apart… something I’ve felt even the last few times we’ve chatted. And I realized a somewhat ironic fact: Almost since I first met him, he was continuously striving to change himself into his perception of something better… and in the end, he simply reverted back to being himself. Which is probably the best way to go, anyway. I’m all for self-improvement, but it has to be what YOU want.

As for myself… I don’t think I’ve ever TRIED to stay the same… but I also don’t think I realized just how much I was changing. In the beginning of our communication, I hardly agreed with everything he said, and was perfectly happy to challenge him and engage in debate on just about any subject. And I think he valued that. Then, when he was struggling through his “self-improvement”, I was able to provide support and a kind of logical stability to try to help guide him through his efforts. I know I blogged a time or two about missing the old days of our communication.

And then… the days of support were over. He’s standing on solid, familiar ground now (or at least to the best of my knowledge), and I even recognized him trying to stir up a debate or two in our convos. And I still don't agree with him on much... but it just isn’t in me to argue anymore. I guess that’s how I’ve changed… a symptom of drawing more and more inward, I suppose. I think a part of that may be reaching an age of dissolutionment… the horrors of the world are simply disheartening. How can I possibly raise protest to everything that is wrong to me… especially when my protest means nothing? A defeatist attitude, I suppose… something he wouldn’t applaud, either.

So, there it is. I have little to offer our communication anymore, so its eventual demise seems inevitable. A strange relationship to start with, as it is, taking place halfway across the world anyway. A relationship based solely on communication during a time that I'm feeling less and less inclined to communicate with anybody. And that's aside from my pervasive (possibly unfounded) feeling that I'm not precisely the person he thinks I am. And perhaps he's not exactly as I see him, either. But that's a whole nother topic altogether. I'm not particularly happy with the prospects of any of these lines of thought, but I'm not entirely sure what to do about it, either.

Amway, I’ve been thinking of snail mailing him a letter. I popped him an e-mail to wish him happy birthday last month, but received no response… which was unusual. There could be a number of reasons for this, and I won’t insult him by trying to assign a motive to it. So, just in case he isn’t near internet access, I’ll just bug him otherwise. If my latest address for him is accurate, of course. Who knows… it may even be a pleasant surprise.