Questions

How is it that I can exercise great tact… feel practically compelled to do so, for 90% of my life… but feel compelled to equally great bluntness (to the point of rudeness) when 1) hormonal, 2) not feeling well, or 3) threatened? When the hell did I reach the point of feeling threatened over simple flirting? Why can’t I keep my mouth shut until AFTER I reason myself out of a panic... and, yes, dire need to commit sabotage? How am I able to logically understand and dissect this psychological morass of a vicious circle when it comes to physical relationships, but have absolutely no clue how to break it?

Why do some people go on about one’s “refreshing” candor, claim they have the intestinal fortitude and thickness of skin to not be shocked by much, yet run screaming when that candor takes on a sharp edge? Is it the content of what I have to say that is so objectionable, or my delivery? Is it unrealistic to think somebody could handle my bluntness… throw it right back at me, even? Is it unrealistic to think that anybody would even want to? Will I ever get to know somebody long enough for them to understand what’s behind the blunt… BEFORE I bonk them over the head with it? How much is too much or too soon to warn somebody about certain panic triggers?

Fuck it… I knew there was a reason I liked being a hermit. Good news is: I have plenty of time to blog again. lol