The Should-be-Warming-Up-But-Gonna-Snow-This-Weekend Spring Blues

So I dunno if it’s the time of year, or if it’s just a personal cycle, or if it’s the weather, or staring 34 in the eye or what, but I’ve suddenly found myself engulfed in self-doubt lately. Not that I have a problem with turning 34 next month, at least not consciously. But I guess I just start second guessing my choices in life.

And I’ve been seriously fussing about my impending position reclassification at work. Sometimes I’m cool with it, and am confident I have what it takes to be that next level up. And sometimes I feel like a fraud who couldn’t ever possibly be a good supervisor. The New Office Manager struggles with the same thing, only her worries of her inadequacies are opposite from mine… she’s a big sweetie, and doesn’t feel like she wields as much authority as she should. And I have what she calls a “hard edge”, which I don’t control as much as I feel I should. There’s not that big a barrier between my brain and my mouth, and though I may come back 5 minutes later in a much more rational mood and apologize, my original irritation is felt by all with very little buffer. And what kind of supervisor is that?

But the New Office Manager has confidence in me… and more importantly, she’s told me that the new Associate Director for my department (he was essentially Senior Project Manager who had HIS position reclassified as well), whom I will be working with directly as his assistant, has faith in me as well. And that’s the important part. I can see how the dynamic between boss and assistant could have a lot of weight in the matter, and we’ve developed a very good one over the last three years.

Amway, I’m hoping this self-doubt will pass. It smacks just a tad of the depression of olden days, and I just can’t go there again. I know I’ll be okay. I guess life just wouldn’t be any fun without the roller coasters.