The "T" Word

So I finally filed my taxes this weekend… yay! One less task hangin over my head. They actually don’t take THAT awful long to do, since I file as single with one job, less than $25 worth of interest from my bank, and no deductions or penalties. My IRA is a Roth, and my VA compensation is tax exempt, so I don’t even count them. So the actually filing is simple. The most amount of time, it seems, is taken hunting down a website with which I can file both federal and state for free. I kinda miss the days of filing by phone… *sigh*

But find one I did (contingent on my qualification with an adjusted gross income of pittance) so I thankfully didn’t have to fork over any money to file my taxes again this year. Of course, this will be the last year that my taxes will be so simple, so who knows what next year will look like. I suppose I should have savored this last time filing my taxes as a single woman… lol

Now I’ll give the IRA a couple months to get my 2007 return into the system, then I’ll go ahead and order my official IRA-issued records of my last 3 income tax returns, which will be required for the next stage of Sweetie’s Visa application. I have to prove I can support him while he may be unable to work his first few months here until his work permit is approved. Fortunately, however, I am only required to make over the poverty level for supporting 2 people, so I should be fine. (So long as my credit report isn’t an issue… lol)

So now that the “T” Word is outta the way (with little time to spare… this is the first time in my life I’ve filed my taxes so late… but then, I’ve had a thing or two on my plate recently… lol) my next order of business is tackling my letter to the VA to request a reschedule of my evaluation appointment, and reinstatement of my disability benefits. Fun!

The Devil's Food

So Mom’s taking a cake-decorating class. Each week she bakes a great-tasting cake, takes it to class, and makes it all pretty with great-tasting frosting, brings it home, and has this big ol’ cake on her hands, with no events to take it to.

So she gives it to me. And I, of course, do what any self-respecting individual does with a big ol’ great-tasting cake with great-tasting frosting. I eat it. I think her original idea was for me to bring it to work to share with my coworkers. But to hell with that. That’s some great-tasting cake. So for two weeks now, I’ve had a nice piece of cake for dessert after lunch each day… and usually a piece (or two) after I get home.

Well, except this weekend. I pretty much ate most of an almost whole cake… oops. *looking shamefaced* Well, I DID get some help from IHOP Buddy when she was over, and I DID manage to save aside about 4 pieces for dessert after lunch (or dinner, or just before bedtime, or however long it lasts this week).

Yeah, I think I’ve gained about 5 pounds in the last few weeks… lol

Amway, I got to work and was sharing with a coworker about what a pig I was over the weekend… and she shared her theory with me that cake is the real Devil’s food. (Conversely, our supervisor swears that M&M’s are the Devil’s food… we evidently have lots of evil food around here). Of course, Devil’s Food Cake is pretty good stuff, too, so there may be something to that theory…

A Weekend with The Bug

So The Bug has been an interesting houseguest this weekend. Even IHOP Buddy commented on how nice it was to have a friendly, non-neurotic cat about. Ms. Pukesalot was obviously quite a bit neurotic, and IHOP Buddy’s household feline is an odd sort, himself… demanding attention, then hissing (and sometimes biting) at you for giving it.

And yes, The Bug is a very sweet li’l cat… however she still has her moments of bein a li’l pain in the behind as well. She’s fond of playing in water, so I have to make sure I keep the lid down on all the toilets, and shoo her out of the shower after I’ve bathed. We also keep the water in her bowl in the kitchen fairly low as she adores knocking it over to watch the water go everywhere.

Then there’s her propensity to stomp on my pillow. Now, I don’t mind her getting up on most things… but I do discourage her from hopping on anything I’d rather not be touched by feet that have been in a litter pan. And someplace my face rests would be high on that list. But she insists on traveling from one side of the bed to the other across the terrain of the top of my pillow rather than anywhere else. *sigh* I finally just put a towel across as I can shoo her away while I’m awake, but I can’t do much while asleep.

And no… locking her out of the bedroom really isn’t an option, as she’d keep me awake most of the night trying to get through the door. Sometimes she’s not so bright.

Otherwise, she’s been a joy to have. I’d forgotten how nice it was to sit with a cat in my lap for hours. Of course, she stays in my lap far longer than Ms. Pukesalot ever did. I’d twitch once and Ms. P would be off like a shot. The Bug just weathers the earthquake of my shifting, and then resettles herself. :)

I think it was good for her to be with me, too, while Mom and Pop were gone… rather than me going over a couple times a day to sit with her at her place. At home, she inevitably sits and stares at the front door, waiting for them to return. At my place, it’s a new place, a new experience, a new routine… so I don’t think she quite misses them as much.

Though, I’m sure she’d be perfectly happy to do without her nightly “squirt”. Yes, they call it her “squirt”. And before you get disgusting images in your head, her “squirt” simply consists of some sort of mouth cleaning/freshening/moistening/bacteria fighting liquid dispensed in squirts. I’m not sure exactly why she has to have it, but I do know that she started getting it after her canines were removed a few months back. So now every once in a while she gets this snaggletoothed look on her face… lol Don’t ask me how she manages with missing teeth, but she does. And she seriously does NOT like receiving her “squirt”.

Amway, my folks get home this afternoon, though I’m not sure when they’ll be around to pick her up. She may be gone by time I get home tonight, as I work late again tonight and tomorrow. I just hope they beat the storms into town, as we’re supposed to get lots of rain and thunderstorms today and tonight.

Shopping

So IHOP Buddy’s visits to Columbia usually result in the considerable lightening of both of our wallets. I swear, her love of shopping rubs off on me. Plus, she ends up buying stuff she’d never buy with anybody else but me… lol We really just feed off of each other.

However, I’m really trying to be good this year, and save my money for more important things, so I spent a LOT less than usual last night. In fact, she kept bemoaning the fact that she spent so much more than me… and she NEVER spends more than me… lol

However, she DID talk me into a moment of weakness with her, and we bought new purses together at Target. Now, purses DO tend to be one thing that I go through quite a bit… in a quest of the perfect specimen. I think it’s genetic, as I remember Mom going through umpteen million purses when I was growing up. So amway, it didn’t really take TOO much pushing on IHOP Buddy’s part for me to make this particular purchase. Unnecessary as it may be.

However, she DID convince me to buy something completely different than my usual purse. I almost always go with black… it’s universal and goes with everything. But we found a really cute set of purses in the more Summery colors of tan and cream… so we bought a couple. Not EXACTLY alike, though, as I’m well familiar with handbag mix-ups (Mom and I frequently have the same tastes, so my going to school with her purse when I was growing up was not unusual, if a bit inconvenient).

I also did my best to downsize a bit, as my purse was getting heavier and heavier as the night went on, and was even beginning to hurt my arm. Course, I got the thing home, and switched out everything from the old one… and really only left a couple of items out. *sigh* I just can’t do without most of it, really. But at least I think the actual purse itself is lighter, and the few items I left out were pretty heavy (including the wallet… I now have one of those handy li’l pockets on the outside of the purse for my cards and money and stuff… I really missed those), so we’ll see if it’s an improvement.

Amway, the rest of our night was just as nice. We stopped by and tried a relatively new restaurant to Columbia called the Macaroni Grill… mostly Italian food. Oh, and the best bit was getting Italian lessons over the speakers in the bathroom. Nothin like learnin Italian while takin a pee.

Then we spent a ridiculous amount of time in Hobby Lobby. For a change, she was the one with a mission to find something to decorate this that or another portion of her home. We did find quite a bit, and I even assembled a flower arrangement for her (she swears she sucks at that stuff, but really, it’s not that difficult… but then mebbe I’ve just had a ton of practice with it… lol).

Then we made our requisite stop by Barnes and Nobles (at which my good behavior was maintained, and I only picked up books I’d been waiting to come out, rather than looking for new series to read), with a sit-down break at Starbucks for a Cappuccino and Vanilla Bean Latte Cream thingy. Then, as previously mentioned, we hit Target, and even stopped by Wal Mart… though we didn’t stay long as my primary mission there was to make some copies of a few great pictures a friend took of Sweetie and I in England. But the photo department closed just as we got there, so I was shit outta luck. Oh well… I’ll just have to go again later in the week, probly at the same time as my monthly Wal-Mart run.

Amway, we finally rolled back to my place about 11pm, and she headed right home. After another piece of cake… *grin* And it was just as well, as The Bug was kinda lonely, and greeted us a li’l urgently at the door. Poor li’l Bug.

But it was a good night overall… it’s always good to catch up with IHOP Buddy… and she really needed to vent about IHOP Hubby… and I told her about more of Sweetie’s and my joyful experiences with wedding preparations and dealing with the Visa. Though, I feel like such a weight has been lifted off of me… hell, I know I’m officially PMS’ing at the moment, but I’d hardly be able to tell from my emotional state. I really do think stress makes the big difference.

The Sunday Curse

So Sundays just don’t seem to be very good days for Sweetie and I. For the last several weeks, one thing or another has just not worked out for us being able to chat on Sunday. The first few Sundays were rather rocky, with misunderstandings, and hurt feelings, and, well… PMS. lol But now I’m kinda just getting used to missin each other for one reason or another, or only getting a brief drive-by chat, and chalkin most of it up to the “curse”.

Here’s hopin we can beat it soon, though. Or mebbe we’ll just go with it and eventually have Sundays be a day completely to our individual selves. We’ll see. We usually don’t like goin even a day without some sort of contact… and though hugmails are nice, they’re just not the same as real-time interaction. Plus, we’ve been missin out on waaaay too many phone calls lately. Perhaps we’ll just try to get those in on Saturdays… when one or the other of us don’t have anything goin on, and just not plan for any important discussions on Sundays… lol

Seven Weeks

So Fridays are pretty big milestones... each one represents one week closer to when Sweetie and I will be seeing each other again. Today, it's seven. I have a li'l Outlook reminder at work that pops up the number "7" every hour or so, just to remind me that today's a good day... even if I'm havin a bad day... lol

Yeah, okay, so it's a bit sappy. Sometimes I just don't even recognize myself anymore... *sigh*

Busy Weekend

Amway, this weekend proves to be an busy one. Somewhere between getting my taxes filed and coordinating chat time with Sweetie, IHOP Buddy will be comin over to visit. She's experiencing a li'l frustration with IHOP Hubby lately. I guess he recently had his appendix removed and has been a tad more convalescent than IHOP Buddy's patience can tolerate. Okay, so in her words, he's being a big baby. But I thought I'd put it a bit nicer.

So she called last night in frustration, and decided she needs to get away for the day this weekend, and so I'll have a visitor. Though, we'll likely go wandering about Columbia... most particularly Hobby Lobby and Barnes & Nobles... :D With mebbe a quick trip to IHOP, of course... lol

At the same time, I will also be cat-sitting for Mom and Pop. I'm sure I've given said feline her own blog name before, but I can't remember it, so I'm just gonna call her The Bug for now. We think there may be somethin wrong with her hips, cuz she simply walks all disjointed like a bug.

Amway, Mom and Pop will be heading to Kansas for my great-aunt and uncle's anniversary party this weekend. And since this is the first time they'll be heading out of town (without me) since Ms. Pukesalot died, I'll be able to keep The Bug with me at my place. And as a brief reminder, Ms. Pukesalot and the Bug did NOT get along.

Big Shoulders

So IHOP Buddy's wasn't the only frustrated phone call I received last night. Bus Snob was having her own drama goin on at home, as well... which is actually quite similar to issues that Sweetie and I have experienced lately. It's been a bit weird, actually, how similar Bus Snob's and my lives have been of late. We were independent for so many years... sometimes looking for companionship, but inevitably returning to bachelorettehood. And now we've both been hit hard and fast by the mac truck of "The Real Thing"... and we've both experienced our own struggles for learning to adapt while trying not to lose who were are.

But... it's actually kinda nice to have another person who's going through the same roller coaster at the same time, to commiserate with. So you know you're not alone... or the only one to have experienced or felt like this... or to feel like a raging bitch... lol

Six Months

So it looks like the USCIS (US Immigration) website finally updated their processing dates for March. And at least the timeframes seem to be fairly consistent. As of February, processing time for a Fiance Visa Petition was 6 months, and it looks to be the same for March.

So long as it stays consistent, we should be okay. Having submitted our petition in February, that means it SHOULD be approved and ready for the next step of the visa process by August. Should. Of course, if I think about the "not knowing" too much, I go crazy, so I just try to stay optimistic, and figure that everything will get processed and approved in plenty enough time for the wedding(s). :)

Amway, today is Friday, the last day of Spring Break, hence the last day of quiet in the office as everybody will be returning next week. I've caught up with a lotta work... but I don't want to quite catch up with it all, as I'm hoping to be authorized another week of extra hours to do so... :D

So I will catch up a bit with my eminently patient fiance, get a bit more work done, then go home and cat-proof the place, as well as spruce it up a li'l bit for a visitor. If I don't catch up again before next week, then a great weekend to all. :)

Bits & Pieces

So every day, bits and pieces of progress are made on one or other or both of the ceremonies. Decisions that need to be made, reservations that need to be set, people who need to be contacted, questions that need to be asked. Thankfully, Mom has been wonderful in her capacity of Wedding Planner and handling all of the actual coordination work. Sweetie and I discuss and decide what we want, and Mom makes it happen. Can’t beat that kinda help with a stick. :) Amway, even though we have the major foundations laid, there’s a ton of other things to consider…

Just this week, we’ve researched and discussed:

1) The cake and menu for the UK “Wedding Breakfast” (the first of the receptions)

The sit-down meal menu is still under discussion, but I think we’ve finalized the cake we want. It will be pretty small, considering it will only be feeding the small, intimate group of about 22 peeps who are invited to the ceremony and wedding breakfast (including the wedding party). But we can still manage a couple of tiers with just single layers, and Sweetie suggested makin em a couple of hearts (he really is a hopeless romantic… far more than myself… lol). We’re goin for autumn colors to match the ceremony, with a cascade of rice paper leaves, and the extremely rich color of Red Velvet for the cake itself. Which will go well with my primary color of burgundy for both ceremonies. As it turns out, they don’t seem to have Red Velvet cake in the UK… but hopefully we can just provide the baker with a recipe, and it’ll turn out okay. *keeping fingers crossed*

The cake for the US Reception has already been finalized, so we won’t have to worry about that one. It’ll be separate staggered tiers done in simple white for the winter theme, with some sort of Winter/Christmas flowers (probably pointsettias with holly and berries) draped over each tier, and frosting snowflakes piped onto the sides. Fairly simple stuff. We do have a few more guests to accommodate than the UK Wedding Breakfast, but still don’t have an awful lot. So the tiers won’t be very big. The bottom and middle tiers should be just enough for the 30 or 40 peeps we’re expecting, possibly sending any leftovers home with folks and, of course, the top tier we'll keep for our anniversary. :)

2) The menu for the UK Pub party (the second of the receptions)

As previously mentioned, we’re goin for an American sports party theme for the Pub Reception. If we can get away with it, we may even have the last Superbowl playing (obviously recorded). And we’re tryin to think of all sorts of American junk food that doesn’t need to stay heated or anything, and will feed a cast of about 60. So far, we've thought of sub sammiches, potato salad, pork and beans, a cheese ball, and possibly some spinach dip... and, of course, lots of chips and dip. A lot of it Sweetie has never tried before, so he’ll be quite busy taste testing when he’s here in May… :)

And the “cake” is gonna be extremely casual. We got the idea from a pic we saw online, that was supposed to be funny… but just sounds fun: it’ll be several layers of mini-cake snacks… like twinkies and ding dogs and cupcakes and ho-ho’s and zingers. Should go perfectly with the rest of the junk food theme. :)

3) Arranging the flowers for the UK Commitment Ceremony

Again, we’re goin for an autumn theme over there. We’re not really too picky… we’ll just go with whatever flowers are local, so it’s not too expensive to import or anything. We just need to decide what kind of tables we’re gonna have, and how many table toppers we’ll want, etc. We’ll be making my bouquet in silk, so it can be used for both ceremonies… and it can just be tweaked a little for either the Autumn theme there or the Winter/Christmas theme here.

4) Patterns for my wedding dress (which Mom will make)

As mentioned above, my primary color will be burgundy for both ceremonies… including my dress (except for Sweetie, who will be in a deep marine blue). So the dress kinda has to be custom made. We’ve found all sorts of interesting patterns, and we thought for the longest time we’d have to mix and match… but I think we’ve found a pattern that does everything we want. (I have to remain appropriately vague about what the dress will look like, as I know Sweetie will be reading this, and he’s a bit of a stickler for the tradition of not seeing or knowing much about the dress until the ceremony… lol)

Amway, Mom first wants to do a “practice” dress... in black, so we can just keep it as a witch’s costume… lol Then we gotta get out and find all the material and lace we want in burgundy… Should be fun. I think Mom wants to have the dress itself started by Summer.

5) Paying the deposits for the Officiate and Venue for the UK Ceremony

Sweetie’s taking care of this bit… but we’re trying to coordinate so Mom knows when to contact the hotel (the ceremony venue) so she can start coordinating cake and flowers and decorations and stuff (which, thankfully, the hotel will help us arrange), and getting a preliminary cost estimate.

6) The Bed & Breakfast in Hermann, MO that we want to stay at for the week of our honeymoon, and how we’re going to pay for the reservation of these somewhat extravagant accommodations.

We knew we wanted to do some sort of B&B in Hermann (a very quaint li’l German heritage town here in Missouri) for our honeymoon, but I didn’t hear any recommendations until this week. And the recommended place, called Hermann Hill, looks really, really nice. Normally, if we were payin for it ourselves, we wouldn’t go that nice. But since we’re making our Honeymoon our Registry, we felt we could ask our friends and family to help us splurge a li’l bit… :) Unfortunately, however, we have to pay for the full reservation up front, so we just have to figure out how we’ll shift the money around a bit until the Registry comes to fruition.

7) Planning a trip to Hermann in May to research other things we want to add to our Honeymoon Registry

Pretty self explanatory. We’ve already found all sorts of interesting things from online research alone. Including a half hour air tour on a li’l private plane, massages, tours of the winery(s), local Christmas events, etc.

8) Possible wedding gift of His and Hers tats from Bus Snob

Course, Bus Snob really has to be different, so when we were talking earlier this week, she said she wanted to give us something really different and very personalized for our wedding gift. So she thought of tats. Sweetie and I played around with some thoughts, and ultimately came up with the idea of different Chinese symbols (in honor of Bus Snob) for love, marriage and other appropriately romantic ideas. This way the gift is really rather personal to all of us… it’s very typical of Bus Snob to do something so unusual (plus the nod to her heritage)… it’s very “me” as I have quite a bit of tat work already… and it’s kinda surprisingly very Sweetie as he’s such a hopeless romantic. After he had time to mull the idea over a bit, he actually surprised me by saying he’d do it. We’ll see if he actually sticks to that decision. :)

9) The engagement and wedding rings

No, we haven’t purchased the engagement ring yet. We wanted to wait to look for one together so we know I have the one I really like… which I’d like to have in time for our Engagement Photos. Again, we’re kinda buckin tradition and goin with a Garnet rather than a Diamond… not cuz it’s cheaper (though that’s always a plus), but because Diamond’s are kinda boring… and we felt the Garnet was appropriate as it’s the stone for January… when he proposed. :)

Amway, we’ve actually found one I really like online… but would also like to shop around a bit when he’s here... as well as looking for wedding sets (or possibly have a set custom made to work with the engagement ring). So we’ve been discussing options for making sure we’re covered for having a ring for the Engagement Photos. We also, at the same time, need to shop for outfits for the Photos (which we will also wear for the Receptions) and for his suit for the ceremonies.

10) Setting an appointment for the Engagement Photo session (to take place in May when he visits next)

We’ve already set our contract with the photographers, to include the Engagement Photo session. But we didn’t set the appointment yet, not being sure if Sweetie’d be able to travel here during the Fiance Visa application process. In our researches for the Visa, we’ve heard some pretty bad horror stories about the Consulate issuing the Visitor’s Visa, or Customs, assuming the foreign fiancé was trying to get into the country to marry illegally, and denying visa or entry. Now, England is on the Visa-Waiver Program with the US, so he won’t have any problems being denied a visitor’s visa… but he could be turned back at the airport.

However, we have no idea until the day of his flight if he’ll be turned back. So… we’d might as well set the appointment for the Photos, and just hope he’ll be here to participate.

11) Blocking a set of rooms with a discounted rate at the local Marriott for our out-of-town guests for the wedding here in the States

Mom just finalized the contract for these yesterday. Since about 95% of my wedding guests will be from all over the country (and possibly a few from England as well) we figured it’d be best to block some rooms for them. We’re also providing information for transportation from the airport… and working to coordinate transportation to the wedding. I’m not really sure how many peeps I can realistically count on being here, as it will cost a lotta people a bit of money to come… but I’ve already heard from a lotta folks who say they’re really gonna try to make it. And a few folks who have insisted they’ll be here come hell or high water… lol Which is really nice to hear… :)

12) Tweaking the guest list for both ceremonies

This is a process I’m sure will not be over until the week before the ceremonies… lol

Amway, that’s quite enough to mention for now… but it’s just a splattering of the subjects that pop into our heads at any given time that we need to discuss… lol

I’ll do my best to keep up with bloggin about it all as things slowly fall into place. Sweetie and I haven’t really talked any more about that collaborative blog, but we may still start one. But until then, I’ll keep up the written commentary about all the wedding and visa preparations on here. :)

7 Weeks and 3 Days

The Visit

So life is beginning to settle a little bit. Last week's visit did wonders for balancing out my crazy existence of late. Not only was it great to see Sweetie, but my state of agitation was at a minimum, and I'm down to 2 points of contact for arranging ceremony stuff in England. Yay! I can't begin to tell you how much pressure that eases off of me.

My future in-laws are great peeps, and I think we'll get along fine. In fact, my future father-in-law looks to be a huge help and resource for wedding planning... who knew? lol And it was equally nice to meet all of Sweetie's mates at his pub. They're all very good peeps... and a few of them have even indicated that they'd like to make it out to the real wedding here in the States as well as the Commitment Ceremony in the UK. I think it'd be wonderful for him to have familiar faces at the wedding.

Of course, one of them won a lottery of sorts to have tea with the Queen this year, so Mom is now fussing about the tea menu for the Tea Reception here... lol But lemme back up a little to explain... we've decided on alternate reception themes... an American theme for the Pub Party reception over there, and a Brit theme for the reception here. And since we're trying to shave expenses, we figured a mid-afternoon light tea would be the perfect fit.

But now Mom's worried that it won't stand up to the standards of someone who's had tea with the Queen... lol I don't think she should worry, though, as the lady in question is very nice and down to earth... I honestly can't see her lookin down her nose at our reception... :)

Amway, the 3 ½ days went by quick, but we packed a lot in, so our time seemed simultaneously longer and not long enough. We didn't exactly stick to the schedule, but then a lot of the anticipated ceremony planning stuff proved unnecessary, so it was all okay. We didn't get to a few things I really wanted to take care of, but mostly those were items of ceremony discussion that would be better in person, but we can just as easily take care of on the phone.

Oh, and I quite conveniently developed a UTI while I was there... but at least I happen to always keep some Uristat on me, which helped keep me comfortable until I could get home and get to the doctor for antibiotics.

Looking Ahead

So now we're down to the next countdown until Sweetie's here in May... 7 weeks and 3 days. Not too bad. I'm glad we decided to see each other roughly every other month... 8 week countdowns are relatively easy to digest.

This week I'm workin 10 hour days. Just before I left for my trip, my new supervisor (I still have to think of a blog name for her... she's somethin like an outrageous but fun social butterfly, so it may take a bit to think of somethin) surprised me with the news that she'd received approval for me to work extra hours when I got back to help catch up with my work. And at the same time, bank up some unofficial comp time to help ease up my extremely tight vacation hours for Sweetie's and my visits to each other this year.

I'm all kinds of stoked about it... and perfectly happy to log in late hours for it. In fact, I'm kinda hopin for one more week of it, as that would earn me just enough time to be able to spend an entire week next time I visit Sweetie... which would be awesome. Especially as my next trip will be when he has his Interview at the Consulate (the last stage of his Fiance Visa application process) I'd been a bit worried that if his interview were in the middle of the week, my currently available vacation time would leave me precisely enough time to travel there, go to his interview with him, and travel back. Not my idea of a pleasant trip. But with a few extra days under my belt, I can make my visit a full week, and it won't matter what day the interview is... :)

In the meantime, I have a full plate for getting ready for Sweetie's next visit in May. And writing up that VA letter to reschedule my evaluation appointment and reinstate my benefits. And filing my taxes. And catching up with my bills since... erm.. well, last May (thank goodness for automatic payments). And preparing for the next items I need to provide for Sweetie's Visa application. And figuring out what to throw in the garage sale Mom and Pop will be having next month. I need to do some serious purging if I'm gonna make room for a new husband in my home at the end of the year. Oh, and can't forget wedding planning, and a wedding dress to make with Mom... lol

I seriously doubt I'll have very much down time this year... but it's all towards a very good result, so it's a positive busy :) At least until I'm stressed out under PMS again... lol

Happiness

So happiness is a bag of Quaker Baked Cheddar Snack Mix, and an outrageous friend with the cajones to ask the snack machine lady to replace an entire row of existing potato chips with a row of the good stuff.

Okay, and a few other things... but sometimes a pleasant surprise couldn't be timed better... :)

Collaboration

So Sweetie and I have discussed starting a new collaborative blog about all the exciting things that entail a multi-national relationship, wedding planning, and immigration maneuvering endeavor.

Of course, with him working extra hours and trying to get his place ready for a visitor... and with me trying to get ready for my trip... in between long soul-searching conversations in recovery from frequent misunderstandings... we really haven't had much time for collaboration.

However, we're hoping to steal a few moments during my trip to cobble together some ideas... and mebbe even launch somethin after I get back. I'm not counting on finding the time this particular trip, but it will be interesting once we do get something going... :)

I'll definitely keep you posted...

1 Week

So I figured I’d take a break from trying to figure out what the hell’s wrong with me to talk about... oh, anything else.

So as the title of this post implies, we’ve got a countdown going. In fact, this entire year will consist of countdowns. But this particular one is marching towards the next time Sweetie and I see each other again.

Next Thursday, I will hop on the plane in St. Louis about 7 pm, and will land in London about 10 am on Friday. Then we have 3 ½ days of meeting just about everybody he knows, in conjunction with laying down wedding plan foundations for THAT side of the Atlantic, and then I will come home.

We don’t have quite the equivalent amount of time to visit with each other for my trips over there as we have for his trips over here. Mostly cuz he has about 4 times the amount of time off that I do. I keep marveling at the fact that he’s willing to give up those sorts of benefits to move here...

Amway, we can look forward to a nice long visit when he’s back in May (if he’s allowed to while the Fiancé Visa Application is in process). Until then, we have 3 ½ days.

My biggest fear for this visit is that my perpetual state of agitation is not going to ease up so that I can actually stop blowing up at everything in general... let alone Sweetie. However, I have hope for a few positive things going for me:

1) PMS officially ended today... so my wonderful hormones shouldn’t be screwing with me next week.

2) Part of my stress is definitely due to our separation in time and space. And even in a world of constant agitation, he is my comfort. So I can hope that being with him will actually help.

3) I have a little time to find my center and kinda hit that reset button...

4) I also have the same amount of time to practice tempering my irritable reactions with newly understood information before unleashing them.

Wish me luck...

We’ll see how it goes. All I can do is proceed with every conscious effort to enjoy our time together and not to stress over anything. We have a very carefully laid out schedule that isn’t really "law", but will help organize everything we have to get done without pushing ourselves on any given day... until a better idea presents itself.

Though this will be a bit of a whirlwind trip, the upshot is: we get to see each other again. And afterwards, hopefully, the basic foundations will be set or arranged for both ceremonies, and I can relax with a little less hanging over my head.

So I can then tackle the other 15 things hanging over my head... lol

Morning

So things aren't that horribly better this morning, but at least I'm doing my best to stop feeling sorry for myself... interestingly enough, that does wonders for staving off depression...

I think in the middle of my current state of upheaval and unbalance, I've forgotten what has always helped me heal best... and that's a chance to withdraw and find my center. I've been reluctant to withdraw from Sweetie, cuz I'm afraid I won't find my way back... our connection seems so tenuous sometimes, living an ocean and 6 hours apart.

However, I've been trying to turn him into a replacement for my usual healing process, and have been leaning on him too hard... and all that has done is make me feel free to unload EVERYTHING on him, and I can't continue to do that. I don't know how to stop being in a perpetual state of agitation... and I THINK I got the slap in the face I need to reset my perspective and try to redirect my agitation away from him... but until I can get handle on that, I need to fall back on my normal healing process.

I honestly don't know what else to do.

Lost

So I should be all kinds of happy right now, right? Then why do I feel like I'm losing who I am, not to mention destroying something I should be cherishing? How do you say sorry for something you have no idea how to stop? How do you make up for hurting the last person you want to hurt? Is this normal? I honestly haven't felt this close to depression for a very long time...

*sigh*... mebbe things will look better in the morning.

And here I was all excited about not posting anything negative for a while... *snort*