Morning

So things aren't that horribly better this morning, but at least I'm doing my best to stop feeling sorry for myself... interestingly enough, that does wonders for staving off depression...

I think in the middle of my current state of upheaval and unbalance, I've forgotten what has always helped me heal best... and that's a chance to withdraw and find my center. I've been reluctant to withdraw from Sweetie, cuz I'm afraid I won't find my way back... our connection seems so tenuous sometimes, living an ocean and 6 hours apart.

However, I've been trying to turn him into a replacement for my usual healing process, and have been leaning on him too hard... and all that has done is make me feel free to unload EVERYTHING on him, and I can't continue to do that. I don't know how to stop being in a perpetual state of agitation... and I THINK I got the slap in the face I need to reset my perspective and try to redirect my agitation away from him... but until I can get handle on that, I need to fall back on my normal healing process.

I honestly don't know what else to do.