Christmas Escapades

So Christmas was pretty good. The previous few days leading UP to Christmas were pretty hectic, but Christmas was good. lol

Last Minute Shopping

I managed to get into work an hour early on Friday so I could take advantage of the free hour offered by management, and go home with everybody else. So Mom and I got off of work at the same time, and decided to brave the mall to grab some last-minute gifts for Boomer, as Mom insisted he couldn't NOT have something under the tree. Now see... there's a reason family tradition has dictated all avoidance of the mall within a week of Christmas... preferably within a month, but some things can't be helped. And that reason consists of two words: "Mad" and "House".

It was a narrow miss, but we managed to emerge unscathed. Mother, of course, will not let me live down the inconvenience for a while, but that's okay. I accept full consequences for my li'l impulsive decision, and I do so happily. It's been really good to see Boomer again after 12 years and, though I know he still wasn't entirely comfortable sharing somebody else's family Christmas, he also knows he was welcome... and not just by me. Some military traditions never die, no matter where you are or how long you've been a civilian.

Wrapping Duty

Amway, I ended up spending all of Friday night fastidiously wrapping Christmas presents, per usual. I'm afraid I'm incapable of NOT fastidiously wrapping packages. It's a curse. I could really have done with getting things done a li'l more quickly, as I finally finished up around 1:30 am... and then HAD to finish the movie on USA through to 3 am. (About a Boy... strange but interesting movie) And, of course, Ms. Pukesalot had to assist in the process, though her actual assistance was questionable.

Running Late... Per Usual

Saturday was cleaning day. Again, more anal attentiveness abounded, so I didn't get out on my way to the airport to pick up Boomer even remotely near to the time that I'd hoped to do so.

My 2-hour drive to St. Louis on Christmas Eve was not the most pleasant, as it was dark and raining with intermittent fog, but I survived. Since I'd started out so late from Columbia, he had already landed and picked up his luggage by time I was about 15 minutes away from the airport. So instead of parking, we decided to just meet up in the pickup area... which I had an interesting time locating (they are evidently on several different levels) but we finally found each other and all was well.

I have to admit, though, that after 4 straight hours of white-knuckle driving, I was pretty happy to get out of the car back in Columbia. Plus I was just a li'l relieved that I managed to avoid my holiday curse once more. (Every accident I've ever been in has been on either a holiday or the eve of a holiday) We managed to catch my new favorite li'l Chinese place just before they closed, and they hooked us up with some take-out. By time we got home, eaten and got him established in the guest room, it was pretty much time to crash.

Christmas Day

Boomer has had to adjust his body clock a li'l, as he's a night owl... usually staying up til about 3 am, and getting up sometime early in the afternoon. But, barring the option of going to my folks' place for Christmas morning then coming back to get him when he woke up, he managed to rouse himself early enough that we could get there around 9 am.

As mentioned earlier, Boomer received a warm welcome... as I'd expected. I think he enjoyed himself (as best as can be in such a situation) and it was a generally good day for all. After the opening of the gifts and dinner, we ended up laughing over Apples to Apples with Gram til early evening when Pop took her home... then proceeded to spend the rest of the night completely ignoring the rules for the new family game that was a gift for everybody, Scene It, and just scrolling through the trivia. It ended up another late night (at least for me), and I finally had to cry uncle and suggest heading home around midnight.

Oh, and I not only got what I asked for for Christmas (a new vacuum cleaner) but it was purple to boot! You CAN'T beat a purple vacuum cleaner. *grin*

And The Rest, to Date...

The rest of Boomer's trip has been a mixed success. The day after Christmas was great... we didn't get much accomplished, but did manage to work in lunch at IHOP, a trip to the grocery store, then caught a movie (The Producers... VERY cute movie). Mom and I had originally planned to do a movie together the day after Christmas (since Pop had to work), long before we knew Boomer was coming, and we decided to extend the invitation to him as part of our Christmas gift to him. But she ended up with a migraine that day, so I treated him to the movie on my own.

After that, the evening was the first we had to just sit and relax... Ms. Pukesalot finally crept out of hiding into the calm to meet Boomer, and we had a pleasant evening just talking.

A Few Rocks

Yesterday was a li'l rocky. We are halfway through his visit and I have concluded that a week was probly too long. And it's not that I dislike his company. It's just that my anti-social side is beginning to go into withdrawal. Boomer's a great guy, and he definately has a very distinct and almost fiercely unconventional personality... but I need to be in a certain mode to be able to accept and/or handle that personality. And I can assure you that "anti-social" is NOT that mode.

He's been really cool, though... we are both quite analytical creatures, and we're well aware of the idiosyncracies that make each other tick. When I got home from work yesterday, he gave me some space to decompress. See, my home time is my "me" time, and he did his best to not intrude. Which was really nice, and I was able to return to quasi-hostess mode and enjoy another evening of conversation (and a little bit of tv... we're both fans of Law & Order: SVU). And though I recognize that he DID tone himself down, I still found that my defenses to his distinctive method of expression were a little low.

Learning Curve

But I think this visit has been good on all levels... even being a little too long, because it's given me an opportunity to learn these things. About myself... about him... about how we regard each other, and what we want out of our connection. I think I've concluded that I'm perfectly happy continuing as we are now... and that if I'm ever ready for something more, it's certainly not now. I'm not entirely sure exactly what he wants... or if whatever his inclinations have been are changed with this trip... but I do know he will completely respect MY inclinations, and I'm fairly sure that it won't affect our friendship.

Of course, I reserve my right to change my mind at all times. *grin*

The Rest of the Week

So we have few plans left for the rest of the week. The girls at work have insisted on meeting him... pretty much because he's male, he's visiting, and they're nosy. So I suggested he pick me up one day this week from work for lunch. That will probly be tomorrow. I've also arranged to take off a couple hours early each day this week, so I can get home before dark and not COMPLETELY ignore my guest through the work week.

I believe Mom's planning dinner for Saturday (New Year's Eve)... plus another possible movie, depending on her head. Then, Sunday, Boomer and I have discussed possibly heading to St. Louis for the purpose of checking out St. Louis (as opposed to going to and from the airport). Since his flight is an ungawdly time Monday morning, I'm seriously considering just getting a hotel Sunday night and avoiding 2 extra trips back and forth.

Tonight, I hope to decorate some... something I can do with my guest and help me avoid my grumpy anti-socialness. This whole trip was my idea... including the amount of time. I don't want to make my guest suffer for my lessons learned, and I don't want him to feel uncomfortable or unwanted. Yesterday was a learning bump for me, so I hope to do much better tonight. :)

Amway, it's 3:15, so I'll need to wrap up and head home soon. I'll be sure to report back in after the New Year. :)

Eek! A Mouse!

So folks do tend to get excitable when a mouse is around. I suppose it's no great surprise, considering the mounds of Christmas food we still have piled in the students' area. But yes, we have at least one. I'll have to take everybody's word for it, though, cuz it seems all have seen the li'l thing but me. I look, but I just can't see him. Oh well.

There is also the question as to whether there might be more than one. Cuz mouse sightings have been all over the place. So we either have one very fast, very well-traveled mouse, or he has compadres.

Fortunately, most everybody is interested in a humane solution, so we're gonna try to see if we can catch and release him, rather than killing him in a trap. I remember once having a mouse in the barracks. Catching him was actually rather simple. I set down a trash can on its side... terrified mouse saw safe haven... mouse ran into trash can... I took trash can outside. Here's hoping this will be as simple.

Of course, then one of the guys from the department next door comes by a little while ago and says "I'm really not trying to be funny, but I need a mouse."

Impulsive Development

So it looks like I'll have a visitor for Christmas. From Florida. This was decided and arranged yesterday... lol It's certainly not the first time I've been so impulsive... and it's not the first time I've invited somebody for Christmas that was otherwise going to be alone. It IS the first time somebody has let me pay their way since they are a student and have absolutely no money.

But... Boomer and I have been friends a long time, so I hope pride won't be too huge an issue. Most of my friends would do much the same for me... I'm just glad when they let me do it for them. :) Besides, the flight wasn't all that horribly expensive, or I may not have been able to pull it off.

He flies in tomorrow night, so I have a lot of getting ready to do. I still need to wrap presents, clean the apartment... and just mebbe switch out the Autumn decor with the Winter stuff. *grin* Not that I imagine he'll care, but still. Thankfully, they're turning us loose at 2 pm today, so I'll have a li'l extra time to work on all of the above.

I'm pretty excited on a number of levels... One: he'll be my first visitor in my new home, and I get to put my guest room to good use. Two: I haven't seen Boomer for... geez, almost 12 years, when I got out of the Navy. Oh, we've been back in touch and chatted regularly for a few years now, but it will be good to see him again.

Third... well, I won't think too much on third. Things don't tend to turn out well when I overthink them. The only fact I'm sure of is that Boomer is a good friend, a good guy (despite his best efforts), and that I genuinely trust and care about him as such. Anything else (or not) can be figured out as we go. He'll be here for a week... and I may know no more after that than I do now, or I may be able to better define our connection. Either way, I intend to enjoy his visit and not stress anything. :)

Lesson For the Day:

When a blogsite is titled: youcantdothatonablog, take the hint. Doh!

I followed a link from my sitemeter, and was greeted with a picture that I'm going to have to find in my temp files on my work computer and delete. Curiosity really does get one in trouble every once in a while.

*smackin forehead*

Poor Cats

So this was on Yahoo's list of top websites for 2005... Too cute:

Stuffonmycat.com

Mebbe Fussbudget should contribute. *grin*

1,000

1,000 views to my blog... woo-hoo!

Of course, I can attribute most of that to some online long-hair community who googled the hair gadget Mom tried at the Ren Faire last September.

But hey... 1,000 views!

Self-Destructive Numbskulls R Us

And with that I bid you good night and good weekend. :)

Speaking of bent outta shape...

So I have to add my 2 cents worth on the Christmas vs. Holiday issue, since I'm in a crabby mood today, anyway.

Okay, Christmas is a Holiday... celebrated in many ways. By those who strictly adhere to the true origins of the holiday... by many folks who are not religious (myself included), and a whole buncha folks in between. I also celebrate Halloween, and I don't particularly subscribe to it's original pagan rituals, either. Commercialized as they may be, many holidays have simply evolved... grown, gained new traditions and mythologies. It does not diminish their original meanings... it just adds to them.

Though I am not religious at all, I am offended by neither Christmas' original purpose of celebrating Christ's birthday, nor it's subsequent evolutions, mergings and additions. It's a holiday. To me, the mutual meaning of many of the holidays this time of year is about celebration, thankfulness, family, friends and good will, anyway.

So those gettin bent outta shape over Christmas... get over it. If you prefer another holiday, get in the overall spirit and celebrate! I don't think it really matters WHAT your celebrating... there's plenty of holiday cheer (and/or stress and/or heartache) to go around. Somebody wishes you Merry Christmas... wish them Blessed Yule right back. Or whatever.

And if you don't want to celebrate anything... well, then don't... but leave everyone else celebrate a NATIONAL holiday in peace.

However, it is most certainly not the ONLY friggin holiday this time of year. I think it is supremely egotistical to get bent outta shape over somebody wishing you Happy Holidays... claiming that the PC police are trying to take Christ out of Christmas. Good fucking grief... nobody's taking Christ out of Christmas... they're simply acknowledging that there happens to be one or two OTHER holidays this time of year. Get over it.

I swear, I can accept just about anybody's arguments for believing as they do... but start gettin militant over it (read: stupid), and I've just stopped taking you seriously. Boycotting stores for saying Happy Holidays is just plain silly.

*folding up speech and stepping off of soap box*

Disconnect

So I'm having one of those "disconnect" weeks. I'm fairly sure it's directly linked to PMS... gotta love hormones. *sigh*

Whatever the reason, I seem to be taking simple statements from my friends, completely wrong. Most probly just bein oversensitive... which is not normally me. Or mebbe it is, and I'm just mood-swing extraordinaire... letting things roll off my back one day, and gettin bent outta shape the next. See, this is what I hate about this... I'm completely unsure of myself. Blah.

At least I know it won't last. And though I tend to lose my temper quickly in this mode, I also tend to get over it just as quickly.

Now, if only I can learn to keep my mouth shut in that middle area... *sigh*

Weekend Bits

Done!

So I finally got my Christmas cards done and mailed on Saturday... woo-hoo! And now my enthusiasm for anything Christmas is pretty much spent... lol

Oh well. I can lay back and relax now. Kinda. My only true obligation before December 25 is wrapping Christmas presents. Mine and Pop's (whenever he gets them), of course. I could still decorate, but it's for Winter... and Winter goes on long after Christmas, so I have time.

Still Cold!

There was still some snow on the ground on Saturday (see my bare backyard below), but mostly melted away by Sunday. No snow since, but it's still friggin COLD. We may get some flurries tomorrow.

Christmas Carol(s)

Mom and I attended our second (and last) Christmas performance for the year on Sunday night: A Christmas Carol... which turned out to be a musical. It was actually kinda nice... a two-in-one special: caroling and a play! But then, mebbe all of the Christmas Carol plays include, well, Christmas carols. I mean, it IS the name of the thing. lol Dunno... I've never seen one before. But it was nice, all the same. :)

Netflix Back-Up

So Mom has picked up a notch in tryin to get me to come over and watch the Netflix movies (and Andromeda) she's had for at least a month now. I was so consumed with getting my cards finished that I couldn't really get away for a while... and then, when I was gonna try to get over there this past weekend, I got sidetracked with the new 3-D Home Design program I've had for at least a year but never installed. Until now.

Every once in a while, I get pinched by the Wishful-Thinking Bug, and suddenly get ideas for different designs for a Dream House... some more modest than others. Well, as soon as I got home from mailing the cards on Saturday, I was so pinched. Which is horrible, considering I'd told Mom I'd try to come over that weekend. I REALLY need to work on my tendancy to get EASILY distracted.

Amway, after workin on the silly thing entirely too long every night this week, (equally shameful behavior in that I'm ignoring my cat, too), I think I've gotten it out of my system for now, and can hopefully go watch movies with Mom this weekend. :)

Die at Your Own Risk

Bits and pieces from a story I came across on cnn.com, in their Offbeat News section:


BIRITIBA MIRIM, Brazil (AP) -- There's no more room to bury the dead, they can't be cremated and laws forbid a new cemetery. So the mayor of this Brazilian farm town has proposed a solution: outlaw death. Mayor Roberto Pereira da Silva's proposal to the Town Council asks residents to "take good care of your health in order not to die" and warns that "infractors will be held responsible for their acts."

The bill, which sets no penalty for passing away, is meant to protest a federal law that has barred a new or expanded cemetery in Biritiba Mirim, a town of 28,000 people 45 miles east of Sao Paulo. A 2003 decree by Brazil's National Environment Council bars new or expanded cemeteries in so-called permanent preservation areas or in areas with high water tables. Environmental protection measures rule out cremation.

The cemetery ran out of space last month, and 20 residents who have died since November were forced to share a crypt. But even that solution has limits. "We have even buried people under the walkways," de Campos said, predicting that crypts will reach capacity in six months. "Look, people are going to die. A solution has to be found, or we'll have to break the law."

De Campos said his town wants the Environment Council to change the wording of the cemetery decree to allow exceptions approved by environmentalists.

Biritiba Marim isn't the first Brazilian town to draw attention with an unusual law. A few years ago, a mayor in Parana state banned the sale of condoms, arguing that his town needed to increase its population to keep qualifying for federal aid. Drugstores ignored the ban.


Full Story: Die at your own risk, mayor proposes

~~~~~~~~~~~

Personal Note: I'm all for environmental protection, but I suppose this is testimony to the fact that absolutes are rediculous. Doh!

Flower Power

So I picked this up from Fussbudget. I've already discovered that I am a "Unicorn Lady" in the Mystical Creature category... so I thought I'd find out what flower I am, too. :)

You Are An Iris

You are a unique woman who needs a lot of novelty in her life. An inspiration seeker, you often have to change scenery to recharge. You don't deal well with structure or rules. You need to do it your own way. Your ideal relationships are free and flowing. No one can tie you down.

What Flower Are You?

So It's a Slow Day at Work

Sometimes I like to peruse the latest political cartoons (a good site for this is: Daryl Cagle's Professional Cartoonists Index), and this one by Cal Grondahl particularly cracked me up... perhaps for the expression on the poor cat's face.

More Images

Couldn't help posting a few more of the rather surreal images (courtesy of AP) from the accident I posted about below...

One is an aerial view...


The other shows the car in which the li'l boy died, pinned under the plane. My coworker just noted that it must have happened either REALLY fast, or the weather must have been REALLY bad for them not to notice a plane coming at them, and at the very least vacate the car.


Sad, sad stuff.

An Eerie Visual

So how eerie is this visual?



Bits and pieces from the AP story this morning:

~ CHICAGO - A jetliner with more than 100 people aboard skidded across a Chicago runway Thursday evening, slammed through a fence and struck two vehicles in the street, pinning one beneath it. A 6-year-old boy in one car was killed, and 10 other people, including two in the plane, were injured, authorities said.

Flight 1248 from Baltimore touched down around 7:15 p.m. Though the airport had about 7 inches of snow, aviation officials said conditions at the time were acceptable. The Boeing 737 and the vehicles remained in the streets Friday.

Southwest CEO Gary Kelly said the plane had circled Midway for 30 to 35 minutes because of the weather and the flight traffic before it was cleared for landing on the airport's 6,500-foot runway. The airport, surrounded by homes and businesses, has shorter runways than most major airports, because it was originally built to handle smaller propeller planes. The larger ones land at O'Hare.

The accident happened 33 years to the day after a crash at Midway that killed 45 people, two of them on the ground. Eighteen other passengers survived. In that crash, a United Airlines jet struck tree branches about a mile from the airport, then hit the roofs of a number of bungalows before plowing into a home, bursting into flames. Among the dead were Dorothy Hunt, the wife of Watergate figure E. Howard Hunt, and CBS newswoman Michele Clark. ~


Note to self: Never live near an airport.

Dayum, it's Cold

So I have to admit that snow's pretty cool. Even driving in it's not so bad... so long as there's no ice ANYWHERE and you're not in any big hurry. Mom says that snow is God's apology for all the cold weather... I suppose somewhat akin to rainbows after storms. It's an interesting thought, anyway.

As predicted, we got our first major snow this morning. Oh, it started sporadically all day yesterday, but the serious stuff didn't start until after midnight (ie: after I went to bed, cuz I checked before I crashed). I was running late this morning as it was (per usual), so by time I dug out my snow boots, warmed up the car and brushed all the snow off it, most folks were already at work and the roads were pretty empty... until I hit some of the major thoroughfares, anyway. It was kinda peaceful drivin down white blanketed, completely empty streets with the snow steadily falling in these great big flakes.

Even when I hit Columbia's version of traffic, which was slowed to a crawl, I was pretty calm. I'd already called in to work to let them know I'd be late, so I was in no hurry. Strange as it sounds, sometimes sitting in traffic can be peaceful... so long as you have a radio. If you just stop worrying about getting somewhere on time, it's one of the few times you can just sit, listen to an overture, and not worry about the next task that needs to be done. Add a shower of snow and a toasty car, and you're set. :)

I actually would have enjoyed it thoroughly if it weren't for the vice threatening to crush my head. *sigh* But... it's pretty inevitable in this kinda weather, with the barometer plummeting. That's okay, though... I took some Excedrin this morning, and will take a half dose of my migraine meds soon (as i explained to Bus Snob this morning, a full dose would have me stickin toothpics under my eyelids at work), which should be worn off by time I have to drive home tonight.

Amway, we're supposed to get up to 4 inches, and it's supposed to stop around noon. Then nothin more in the forseeable future. Except for a lotta cold weather... forecast of 1 degree for tonight. But I suppose it could be much worse... I read that Yellowstone National Park was at 40 something BELOW yesterday morning... Doh!

The Crazies I Work With

George

So this li'l dood sits on the end of my radio antennae at work. As with all of the other novelties that we Support Staff have at our desks, everybody in the department participates in evolving these items to the next level of their existence.

This particular li'l guy (I've decided to name him George) started out his term as my desk mascot a few weeks ago. George came as a freebie with a Christmas present I ordered online (a toy aquarium for Pop since his latest real aquarium leaked all over the basement a few months ago, and Mom banned all aquariums from her home because this is the third time he's had one leak in the last 20 years) at a site called PerpetualKid.com.

So yeah... with a name like that, it makes sense that they'd throw in a silly li'l rubber finger puppet as a freebie. And, since I get all packages at work, George immediately became a part of my work environment. He's definately an attention grabber... everybody has to play with him when they pass by. One of the PM's once decided to tie his hands behind his back, in further interpretation that he reminds her of how she feels at work sometimes. Mom decided that wouldn't do at all, and proceeded to have him cross his arms in front of his chest.

But really... there's only so much one can do with this silly li'l thing, right? Well, as you can see, another of the PM's (I wouldn't quite call him the practical joker, but he certainly is a card) decided to add one of the ever-present M&M's with a decorative flair. *snicker* That face has been in George's mouth for about a week now, and morbid as it is, he cracks me up every time I pass by him. *grin*

LARGE Feathered Visitor

And just as a side note, I thought I'd mention that we had a rather large avian visitor this morning at work. An impressively sized hawk was perched on the handrail to the stairs just outside the side door at work. Close enough we could look him in the eye... from the window of my Boss' office, of course.

It was pretty cool. When he flew up into the branches of a nearby tree, a few of us ventured outside (more than one with a camera phone) to peek at him. I think he was camera shy, though, cuz every time somebody got a good shot lined up, he moved and eventually flew away. We're not sure what attracted him to the area... we looked around but didn't see any potential prey. Mebbe he just wanted a relatively quiet place to rest. He was all fluffed up to keep himself warm... in fact, he may have really only been half the size he seemed without all that fluff.

So amway, we were sufficiently mesmerized for about 10 minutes, getting absolutely no work done at all until he left. :)

Busy Weekend

So I had a pretty busy weekend, as expected.

Friday

Friday night, Mom and I crammed in dinner at Panera, then attended the Nutcracker at Jesse Hall. It was the first time we've seen it from the floor level... we normally like the balcony seats so we can see everything, and the patterns in the dances, etc. Unfortunately, I froze up on the phone while getting the tickets through the pledge drive last month, and didn't think to request balcony seats. I'll have to try next time.

Amway, we still enjoyed the play... and all I'll say about male ballet dancers and their tights is: you don't quite realize just how much those tights DON'T leave to the imagination until they're about 15 feet away at eye level. *ahem* I had to remind myself more than once that I was there to watch the ballet, not the King's derriere. Very nice derriere, though... and I'm not even an ass-woman.

Saturday

Mom and I started out pretty early on Saturday for our shopping. "Pretty early" equating to about 10:30. She had a hair appointment that morning, which gave me just enough time to get my weekend chores done before we left, so it worked out. We didn't really have a big list of things to shop for, but we didn't rush ourselves and had a pretty nice time. For shopping. During the Christmas Rush.

We found me a coat at Penney's that Gram's Christmas check will just cover, so I was pretty happy. One nice thing about Christmas Rush is the awesome sales. :) Amway, my coat is red (NOBODY can miss me in a snowstorm), pretty sturdy and most importantly, has a hood. Yay! One can conduct life with dignity only so far in a knit cap with a fuzzy bobble on top. 'Sides, I kept losing or forgetting it places. An attached hood is MUCH better. :)

Then we hit Hobby Lobby and Michaels, which are very dangerous places. I'm pretty proud of myself, though... didn't spend an awful lot. Among other things, we looked for some ornaments in case we attend the Ornament Exchange that the girls at work always give each year (it's this Thursday... we're both still on the fence as to whether or not we feel like going). And if we don't go... well, we got ourselves some cute new ornaments. :)

And lastly we caught a showing of the latest Harry Potter movie around 2:30. We'd already decided to not do our weekend dinner that night so we wouldn't be rushed and could catch the movie whenever was convenient. The movie was great, of course, and we had the added adventure of getting lost in the parking lot lookin for Mom's car in the dusk. We split up, and Mom finally found it and had to call me on the cell we were so far apart. lol

We got done just around dinner time, and Pop had gotten home from helping a friend move, shortly before we did. They invited me to go out with them to dinner, but it was beginnin to "participate" as Pop called it... it was just a drizzle of rain, but it was supposed to freeze, and I hate drivin around in that stuff. I just wanted to get home, and besides I'd neglected my cat shamefully all day long and needed to give her some attention. I managed to fit in some "lap time" with Ms. Pukesalot while cutting out the last of my pics for my Christmas cards. Then it was pretty much time to crash. So, a pretty busy day.

Sunday

Sunday I dedicated the entire day to working on my cards. Pop called around mid-day to let me know we wouldn't be doing our weekend dinner that night, either, as both he and Gram were feelin kinda puny. Which was fine with me as it gave me more card time. I finished up my address list, tweaked my label template, and got them all printed out.

Then it was time to stick 550 pictures to 50 cards. For the pics on the outer card stock I used an adhesive spray so there wouldn't be any loose edges flippin up to catch on the envelope. But I decided to leave it at that for the spray as I was beginning to get a sort of glue-high, not to mention a headache, and my nostrils were beginning to stick together. Doh! Even after opening the window to air out the library and share the 25 degree weather outside.

For the rest of the pics, I used acid-free mounting tape... which worked great, but I ran out. I'd bought 2 rolls of it, but that was obviously not enough. I'm gonna have to run by Michael's tonight after work to grab about 3 more rolls, cuz I still have 4 more sets of pics to stick. I may also look for some aerosol pot-pourri, too, considering the adhesive spray seriously stunk up my cards. I'm seriously reconsidering the wisdom if this particular brilliant idea. *sigh*

Amway, I've obviously missed my second self-imposed deadline of getting them sent out today. My next goal is roughly sometime this week or, hopefully, next weekend. I'd wanted to get them out early, but as Coffeehead reminded me today while we were chatting, I still have plenty of time before Christmas. And I refuse to allow a Christmas tradition to become a huge stressful pain in the ass and ruin my general Christmas cheer. So... I won't kill myself to get it done.

Not like last year. Whew. But last year, I started the whole process about mid December, and this year I started about mid November. BIG difference. :)

Quick Update

MIA

So it's Friday, I'm caught up with all current tasks at work (back-burner busy-work is a whole nother matter, but my brain has already clocked out for the weekend), and I have about 35 minutes until a small, support staff meeting that the Office Whisperer just set up.

I haven't been overly inspired to blog much the last few weeks... obviously. Last week was, well, Thanksgiving and associate preparations. And makin some serious headway on my Christmas card/newsletter. This week... well, I've been relatively busy at work... and makin moderate headway on the card in the evenings. I lose a LOTTA wind outta my sails on weeknights after work.

Thanksgiving

But otherwise, all is good. Thanksgiving was as anticipated... cookin with Gram was great... donuts were great... dinner was great... family was great. Thanksgiving just a great holiday overall. :) Saturday was shopping day (I avoid Black Friday as best as I can) and then the rest of Thanksgiving weekend has traditionally become my time to cram on my newsletter. Everything is so far typed, designed and printed... and almost every night this week I've worked on cutting out the individual pictures that I will then spray glue to the card when I assemble everything.

The Card

For 3 of the pics, I used this cool new deckler/ripper doodad I found online... creates that authentic "ripped" look. That went fairly quickly. But the rest of the pics require more than straight line, so those have to be cut by hand. 8 of the suckers at 50 pics each. I can only do so many at a time or my hand gets a cramp... lol. But I only have 2 sets left (100 in all)... which I THOUGHT I'd get done tonight, only I discovered this morning that the Nutcracker performance I've had firmly in my head (for several weeks now) as being on the 4th, is actually tonight. Oops.

So I'll get the last of the pics cut this weekend... then need to put 50 cards/letters together (which includes folding, stapling and affixing the pics), update address labels with some recent info I've acquired, print out the labels, hand-write a few blurbs in MOST of the cards, sign, seal, stamp and send. Hopefully by Monday. Yeah.

Weekend Plans

However, in addition to all that, Mom and I are also planning to get out this weekend... we need to do some Christmas shopping together (including a new hooded coat I've decided Gram's gonna buy me with the check she always gives for Christmas... only the stores will undoubtedly be putting out Spring stuff by that time, and my poor ears need to be warm NOW), and we also plan to catch a showing of the new Harry Potter movie, since Pop will be helping somebody move anyway tomorrow. At least all of my major Christmas shopping is done. :)

So, a busy weekend planned, indeed. At least I've given myself a LITTLE more time this year to panic about getting my card out before Christmas. lol


Okay, now I have 10 minutes to waste before the meeting... *sigh* Friday's are great, but sometimes they are SOOOOOOOO slow...

Thanksgiving Preparations

So no unusual plans for Thanksgiving this year... homemade donuts for breakfast (though since the arrival of Krispy Kreme donuts in Columbia last week, we may make an exception) and dinner at Mom and Pop's place with Gram.

Mom's asked me to handle the relish plate (not too difficult an endeavor), and Gram usually contributes a Cranberry Salad (awesome stuff). But she has more and more difficulties managing her kitchen since her balance is so bad she has to constantly clutch her cane while doing everything... and one handed cooking can become quite a difficult proposition. So she asked me if I wanted to make the salad this year. I thought it would be a better idea if we could do it together. Even if I end up doing all of the work (which I don't mind), we'll still spend some time together... and I think she really appreciates when we can do that.

As for myself... well, I'm kinda lookin forward to it. Every weekend, when I take her home from our weekly Family Dinners, we always end up sitting down and just yappin about anything for a little while. Usually the mundane things that have become the cycle of her life. She doesn't get to talk to peeps much... and even Family Dinner is usually consumed by other discussion that go right over her head.

So I think that Wednesday night will be good for us. The cranberries need to be ground and set with sugar in the fridge overnight before we can assemble the rest of it... so I think I'll do that Tuesday night so's to not worry about hauling over the food processor, then take the rest of the stuff over to her place to make it Wednesday night. I figure I can do my relish plate over there, too.

Overall, I think it will be a good Thanksgiving... I dunno if I'll get back here before then, so if I don't...

Happy Thanksgiving! :)

More Aussie Diaries

So I've had a chance to talk to my Aussie quite a bit these last few weeks. I believe he popped in to chat Friday before last... and then again this past Friday. And, since I was on the 'puter all weekend workin on my Christmas card, a good chunk of Saturday as well. See Fridays and Saturdays are pretty much our best bets for hookin up since my afternoon is his next-morning, and I only get online during the day at work, and he only gets online at home.

Amway, per usual, our chats were neither short nor boring. Sometimes it's quite a challenge to keep up with his lightening subject changes, periodic ornery moods, and delight in confounding me with new Aussie-isms (they seem to have a never-ending supply of them... just when I start getting used to old ones, he throws new ones at me.) Though, his recent conversational offerings have been more contemplative than usual. Lots of changes in his life... he objects when I call his life a soap opera, but he can't deny his life seems to undergo one overhaul or another at any given time. He's like the antithesis of my mundane life... so I guess I ride the rollercoaster vicariously through him. *grin*

Actually, we've been talking more seriously about options for my getting out to Oz to see him. I've suggested HIM coming here, but I think it's a matter of pure vanity... obviously, Oz is the greatest country on earth, and he simply HAS to prove it to me. *grin* Amway, he's promised to save up to help me out with the airfare... that shit's exPENSive! I figure I can probly manage about half the fare without hurtin my credit card TOO badly. He thinks he can save a good chunk in a year's time... so... I guess we'll see what happens then. I'm not gettin too excited about it yet... I mean, anything can happen. Inclinations can change... better things can be found to do with the money (the most probable)... other uses of my vacation time may arise. I know I'm already planning a trip to the west coast for next Fall... so, mebbe I could make it the following Spring.

I know I really loved the place last time I went for the Sydney Olympics in 2000, and definately look forward to seeing it again (and more of it) as well as finally getting to meet this individual I've known for at least 4 years. But I've also been thinking about visiting for 4 years, with few affordable options presenting themselves. So we'll see how it goes.

Motivation is a Funny Thing

So my motivation has completely fluxuated lately... to do anything, really. I didn't really sink my teeth into this year's Christmas card/letter until this weekend... and then I started havin all kinds of fun with it. I got kinda silly this year. *grin* All of the writing is done... and I'm almost done with the design work. I should be able to have a draft to present to Gram and the folks on Thanksgiving... and then it'll be the not-so-fun duplication and assembly time. Not to mention sifting through my Christmas card list, updated addresses, printing up labels, etc. We'll see if these actually get sent out by December 1 or not.

As for motivation at work... well, I thankfully found it again this morning. For at least 2 days last week, I couldn't focus on work at all... was all kinds of restless, and spent most of both days looking up train schedules and fares to visit just about everybody I know within the continental United States. I'm thinkin it was just part of my feeling that I wanted to be anywhere but here.

On the upside, though, I've discovered that I can make two major trips... one west, and one east, and hit about 4 stops each in one swell poop. Of course, this will require a LOT of vacation days, but it should be fun. I may try the westward trip next Fall to see Mikee and BBM in Seattle, the usual crew in San Diego, my tat artist in Santa Maria... and possibly even a stop in Colorado to see the Wanderer. We'll see how it goes.

Amway, back to this work business. I finally managed to focus this morning... and quickly dispatched all the non-essential stuff that had been piling during my trips through the Amtrak website. I was on a roll... until the meeting we just had at 3:00. Then the wind blew straight out of my sails, and I'm kinda biding my time until 5:30. *sigh* This sometimes happens, though, at the end of the day. I just get to a point that I have to say: I'll focus on this in the morning.

And then go blog or something. :)

What Mystical Creature are YOU?

So I'm trying to get some online Christmas shopping done today, and came across this banner... amazing where curiosity can lead you...

Amway, these are my results:

(And just to clarify... I'm not sure about "innocent", but I WILL say I trust animals to be true to their nature... I'm all for saving the world, but that doesn't mean I'm inclined to strike up a conversation with a mother bear)


You are a Unicorn Lady... Animal loving, you don't
trust in humans, but in animals, because you
believe in their true and innocent hearts...
You'll do anything to help them. Good for you !

Are you an angel, a dragon, vampire !?
brought to you by Quizilla

Veteran's Day

Tip of the hat to all my fellow veterans out there. :) And to all those fighting out there who will hopefully live long enough to BECOME veterans.

So amway... I'll probably be MIA around here for a li'l while. Gotta focus on my Christmas card/letter this year if I wanna get it sent out by December 1. Last year, I was so burned out from blogging, I never got around to my letter until the middle of December. Doh!

See ya 'round the blogosphere. :)

Christmas Performances

So I finally decided to donate this morning to our local radio station that hosts NPR. They've been workin their telethon all week... offering all kinds of "freebies" donated from local businesses. I'd been considering it all week, but none of the freebies really caught my attention. Bad I know... not to want to donate out of the goodness of my heart. I mean, I really do like NPR... listen to it every day. But I donated once before and they never stopped hounding me... pretty much until I moved and they couldn't find me.

But they finally dangled some interesting bait on the very last day of their fund raising (today), so I signed myself up for who knows how many more years of hounding. And for $5/month for a year, I am now the proud owner of two tickets each for live performances of the Nutcracker and A Christmas Carol next month... part of the University's Concert Series.

Mom and I have gone to the Nutcracker almost every Christmas season since we moved to Misery (with the exception of the year we went to St. Louis for a Mannheim Steamroller Christmas concert a while back.) So I figure this way, I'm still getting something I normally would have purchased anyway (with an extra play thrown in) and helping out NPR to boot. Not a bad arrangement, I'm thinkin. Aside for that hounding business.

Amway, each year we decide we need to see more of the Concert Series... and we DID see David Copperfield last year. But for the most part, we get caught up in life in general, and we forget. But the concert series get all kinds of interesting acts... Bill Cosby and the Smothers Brothers make an appearance (separately) just about every year. Big names in music, too... though I can't think of anybody off the top of my head, aside from Cher and Sting. And these are in addition to plays and musical performances by local or travelling groups. All over at Jesse Hall venues with no smoking, so I can actually attend comfortably.

Of course, this sort of entertaiment is nothing out of the ordinary for any of the big cities, but not too bad for a modest college town.

Weekend Plans

So I actually have plans this weekend! Well, technically, now I've had two different plans for the weekend. Gotta love having relativly uneventful weekends for weeks at a time... then things come up all at once.

Originally, I'd planned to hostess Family Dinner, considering my home is now fully decked out. But then, IHOP Buddy asked me in chat yesterday if I wanted to come visit this weekend. Evidently IHOP Hubby will be at a wedding out of town, so she's up for some company. She says she doesn't like being alone... I think she just needs somebody adult to talk to since her hubby's usually gone during the week, too... lol

No matter... it's all good. Her weekend schedules rarely supply opportunities to visit... with either me over there or her coming here. So we take advantage whenever such an opportunity arises. She's also asked me to bring over my Myst III game for the PS2. She saw the cover while she was here last, and I guess has been wondering about it. I'm not sure if she'll like it... her attention is usually captured by upbeat action and fighting scenes (neither of which can even remotely describe Myst) , and I think she loses interest if a game starts getting too hard to figure out (the game is ALL about figuring out clues and puzzles).

But I've warned her about all that and she still wants to give it a shot, so we'll see. I'm kinda lookin forward to exploring it again... and I know where to keep her from going around in circles like I did, before figuring out the clues. I KNOW she won't have the patience for that. *grin*

Tiger in the Bathroom

So my building at work is hosting this big ol' Health Fair today... the lounge area and just about every conference room is crawling with folks checking out and taking part of all kinds of different activities. I'm steering clear for the most part... except to get some Mahi-Mahi and noodles they're makin over there (VERY good stuff... though it's only a sample and I'm not sure how well it'll go with the mac and cheese I brought for lunch... oh well.)

Oh, and I felt kinda bad for the nurse stationed out front of one of the out-of-the-way conference rooms... theoretically running the Hearing Tests, but standing there twiddling her thumbs cuz I'm fairly sure nobody knows she's there. And really, I only saw her cuz I passed by that hall on my way back to my department. So, even though I already know I'm deaf, I stopped by to get tested and give the poor chick somethin to do. lol It was a pretty short test... and turns out I'm not as deaf as I thought I was since I heard all the tones. But then, I've always known I can hear most sounds just fine... it's just DISTINGUISHING them that's a problem.

Amway, they're also offering flu shots... for $25. NOT. But it DID remind me to walk over to the VA Hospital (nice benny of being a veteran, working across the street from the hospital, and also for having a gorgeous day out) and get one for free.

But back to the tiger in the bathroom... I guess the University mascot, Truman the Tiger, is also part of the activities today. Imagine sitting on the pot and seeing a big ol pair of orange feet and a tail go by from under the door... lol Imagine Truman bein a girl! :) In all seriousness, though... gotta feel for those poor peeps inside those bulky mascot costumes when they gotta take a pee.

For Meat or for Pets

So I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before... and I don't feel like poking around in the archives to find out. I know the sign has been up in the breakroom for at least a few months now, advertising rabbits for sale... for meat or for pets. Which rather bothers me.

Now don't get me wrong... I accept the whole rabbits for meat thing. Not overly comfortable with it... but I accept that rabbits are naturally prey and it's the way of life.

But for the concepts of "pets" and "meat" to be interchangeable in the same sentence... that's just disturbing. I can't imagine wanting to consider my pet as possible food... or my food as a possible pet. Though, I DID used to feel sorry for my Cheerios when I was a kid, and attempted to keep them in pairs so they wouldn't die alone.

Okay, so I'm a little wierd.

Happy Boo Day!

So when I got into work this morning, Mom wanted me to make sure I went to see her when I prepared my mid-morning hot cocoa. I did so, as requested, and she proceeded to plop a li'l Peeps Ghost in the middle of it. *grin* Very cute.

No big plans for tonight... Just gonna put my li'l witch's cauldron full of candy out front of my place, then go over to the folks' place to hide out in their basement and watch movies. :)

Li'l Mama Jr.?

Li'l Mama

So back in San Diego we had a li'l stray cat adopt the family. She was a bit skittish, though, and never really let any of us get close. But she kinda hung out around our front yard... and it wasn't too long before we realized she was preggo. So we dubbed her Li'l Mama.

As her due date neared, she started letting us get close to her... she probly realized she was gonna start needin help pretty soon. So we set up a li'l box for her, complete with a blanket to curl up in, near the front door. And sure enough, that box became home to a litter of kittens. We promptly moved the box to the enclosed back yard when we discovered one of the neighborhood VERY large dogs pokin his nose in the box shortly after. Li'l Mama was definately on our team by then, and was very comfortable with us around her and her kittens.

Pop was overseas (in the Navy) at the time... I remember this because we really wanted to keep one li'l grey fuzzball we named Ferdinand (after the explorer). But Mom didn't want to surprise Pop with a new member of the family when he got home from his cruise without consulting him first, so she wrote him about it. Unfortunately, mail was so slow back and forth to the ship that by time we got his letter back saying he was perfectly fine with the idea (no surprise, considering he's a HUGE animal lover and kept the house well stocked with pets during my entire childhood), we'd already found a new home for Ferdinand... along with the rest of his siblings. I think we even found a home for Li'l Mama, too.

Another Orphan?

Well, it looks like my neighborhood (albeit a long ways from the first one) has again been adopted by a possibly preggo li'l orange calico. I knew about her a few weeks ago when my neighbors were out front giving her some food. They're the ones who think she's preggo, though I don't see it. But I also haven't felt for it, either.

We're not sure if she already has a home and is merely being friendly and/or mooching for food... or if she's homeless. I didn't see her again for a while until yesterday morning when I went to take out the trash. And there she was, all kinds of friendly and yappin up a storm. I got the impression she was pretty hungry as she was pokin a little urgently around some of the other trashbags on the street, and proceeded to puke up a rubber band.

And it frosted over that night for the first time this year, so it was COLD out. I felt really bad for the li'l thing, if she really is homeless out in the cold, waiting for peeps to come outside to feed her. So, softy for a furry face that I am, I grabbed the box I'd just put out full of cardboard recyclables at the curb, transferred the recycle stuff to a paper bag, and wrapped the box in a big plastic sack to keep it from getting soggy. I wedged the box under a chair that sits right next to my front door, with the opening facing the building and tucked a blanket inside. And, of course, set out some food and water.

She was definately hungry, as she immediately snarfed on the food. I don't mind continuing to feed her if necessary, but I'm worried about the cold... afraid that the box won't really be enough when it REALLY starts to get cold this winter. It was a completely different matter to be able to put out a box in San Diego. I really wish I could bring her in, but Ms. Pukesalot would have a double decker cow... and she's fixed.

Options

I consulted Mom on the matter, and she believes the li'l cat won't survive the Winter outside, and has suggested that the only option is to take her to the Humane Society, or a local organization called Second Chance. Unless I can confirm that she actually does have a home around here, and then I don't really need to worry about her at all.

On the one hand, I know what the Humane Society does to animals it can't find homes for, because they have to make room for more that come in all the time. And Second Chance... well, if they can take her, that'd be great. But when I was (briefly) considering finding another home for Ms. Pukesalot a few years ago, Second Chance was out of foster homes and all they could have done was stuff her in a cage indefinately.

On the other hand, the Office Manager is on the Board of the Humane Society, so she may be able to find out some options if it comes to that. She says that cats are highly adoptable... especially friendly ones, so mebbe the li'l girl might have a chance.

Personally, I'm wondering if there might be some kind of outdoor heating blankets or something I could find. Yeah, it's probly a silly idea, but seriously... how do wild animals survive out in the cold? How about dogs kept outdoors? It's a thought, anyway.

Amway, the weather's turned a bit warmer again for a li'l while, so I'll just keep an eye out... see if she uses the box at night, an indicator that she may be, indeed, homeless.

Candy Time!

So we've got candy comin out our ears here at work. I mean, I can't really complain much cuz I'm the usual culprit... I keep the place stocked in peanut m&m's every morning. But with Halloween just around the corner, everybody else is gettin in on the act, and there is a HUGE cache of candy at every desk in this department. And just about every other department, too. And it's only gonna get worse as Christmas nears.

Oh, for self control. *sigh*

However, the migraine monster actually comes in handy every once in a while, as it definately keeps me from gorging TOO much on crap. I still push it, though. *grin* One of these days I'll actually learn.

I suppose it also helps that I have more than one "mother" here at work. Mom, of course, but I'm also the youngest chica here... the Office Manager's closest to my age, so we're more like cohorts, but the New Girl (I think I'm going to rename her the Office Whisperer, cuz she has this itty bitty voice I can never hear... though her moving right next to my desk has helped tremendously) and The Receptionist have definately taken me under their wing. They're good at reminding me I have to eat lunch, giving unsolicited advice, and alltogether mothering. :) I don't mind much, though, cuz it's really only on a personal level... professionally, they frequently come to ME for help, so it all evens out.

Besides, I fully recognize that THEIR work situations are as much affected by my migraines as I am, so I appreciate their efforts to help me avoid triggers. :)

A Modicum of Common Sense

Okay, so I've had a box sitting in my mailbox all week.... my mailbox being the 16-in-1 variety typical of apartment complexes. The mail-person opens one big door on one side to deliver the mail, and the individual boxes open with 16 little doors on the other side.

Well, evidently, the box can go in just fine from the big door, but there's a li'l lip (presumably to keep out rain?) all around MY door just big enough that I can't get the damn box out. So I took the rest of the mail and left the box for the mail-person to remove and simply deliver to my door. Fairly straightforward, right?

Evidently not. It was still there the next day, with that day's mail stuffed on top of it. So I left a little sticky note on the box spelling out the obvious. And it was again still there with more mail stuffed in with it. This was yesterday. I tried to squeeze my hand around to the back end of the box so I could apply the note where it would be right where the mail-person can see it when they open their door, but I couldn't get it all the way back and around. The best I could do was tack it on the top as near to the back of the box as I could get, then press the rest of the note down over the back edge.

Hopefully they'll see it today. This is getting rather old. You'd think that common sense would have SOMEBODY wondering why this box fails to disappear. If it's still there when I check this evening, I think I'm simply going to call the post office before I attempt to mutilate the box in order to get it out. *snort*

Flawed

Warning

Today’s posts could well be termed “Too Much Information” for anybody reading this who knows me. I’ve concluded that it doesn’t really bother me to put it out here… I mean, I’ve already yapped about much of this, either in therapeutic purging or personal anecdote. So if it bothers anybody, it’s you, so proceed at your own comfort risk. :)

Memory Lane, Part I

So nobody likes to be reminded of their flaws… past or present. But sometimes those reminders sneak up from behind and smack ya in the back of the head. They say that smell is the strongest sense associated with memory. I’d put in a strong vote for sound, too. More specifically: songs. Actually, all kinds of things have been conspiring lately to traipse me down Memory Lane. Some of it good, some of it bad… and a lot contemplative. Oh, I know it’s no use to dwell on the past. I’m not the person I was then… well, I am and I’m not. I’m fairly sure that’s pretty normal.

But sometimes I simply can’t help but wonder… out of curiosity and mebbe just a li’l regret… how much my perspective on life caused my experiences (good and bad) and how much my experiences created my perspective. Kinda one of those chicken and egg questions… which came first? I imagine they’re pretty intertwined, in either direction. And I also imagine this revelation is rather old news in the big scheme of life and humanity, but it’s an ongoing musing for me, and I have little choice but to follow it in search of a logical conclusion.

A Song in Dark Times

So my first “Memory Trip” was triggered (pretty strongly) by the song: “Love of a Lifetime” by Firehouse. I heard it this weekend… Saturday night in the car after I drove Gram home from Family Dinner. That was the bad one… memory, that is. The song was part of a regular set we used to play in the band I joined just outta high school. I had this big ‘ol crush on the lead singer, who could belt that song out with a perfect Firehouse voice.

Now, crushes are pretty typical things. The problem was: my self esteem and confidence was nil. To my own eyes, I had no value whatsoever… and I already had more than one suicide attempt under my belt by time I joined the band. Mostly half-assed attempts cuz I really didn’t have the guts to go through it all the way, and I was mostly just feeling sorry for myself and wanted everybody else to do the same. Either way, it was a pretty crappy way to be lookin at life. And don’t ask my WHY I felt this way… I didn’t really have any real reasons. Aside from typical adolescence, my tumultuous relationship with my mother, and perhaps the influence of my empathy… but that’s a whole nother discussion.

Dark Kaleidoscope

So the big question with such an outlook is: do people really treat you accordingly (that you have little or no value) because you essentially invite them to do so? Are they even really treating you like that at all, or is it your darkly colored perception of everything in life that makes you think that they are? Which experiences stem from which reality? I’m sure it’s relatively easy to tell from the outside looking in… but even from a different inside looking back… I honestly can’t tell.

And I have to wonder… how did my fellow band members REALLY see me? Did they see a mixed up kid? (most of ‘em were quite a bit older). Did they see an easy mark? For years, my memories had them “passing me around” like some kind of plaything. But when I truly try to analyze the whole mess, I wonder if it was more a matter of each making their own private play. Either way, I simply didn’t have the wherewithal... the personal strength, self esteem, or experience to do anything other than whatever seemed to give myself a small bit of value. Except for one… that experience was more like a mutual comfort sort of thing, but even that was jaggedly… just… wrong.

Lasting Impression

Unfortunately these events (along with another, deeper betrayal… unrelated yet still rooted in the same insecurities) inspired a pretty strong distrust of everything to do with men and sex. Everything I experienced after that was drastically polluted by that perspective… and only served to make the matter worse. Even now… years after the whole mess has faded to memory, after I’ve broken the cycle, grown, learned, widened my perspective… a part of that old distrust is still embedded in my psyche. I willingly admit that it is no small factor in my desire to remain independent… no matter how much I claim I no longer allow it to rule my life.

And I have to wonder again… how many connections did I destroy with that poisonous and self destructive attitude? How many potential ones was I simply blind to in my prejudice? How many will I miss or destroy in the future until I can find that elusive balance? I honestly can’t answer that question. Some connections I regret the loss… and I’ve had the opportunity to try to patch a few as best as I can, though they are forever changed. Some connections I want nothing to do with again… ever.

Moving On

No, I don’t dwell on the past. But it is a part of who I’ve become… for good or bad. And, philosophical creature that I am, I can’t help but try to piece together reality and perception… though I’ve heard the thought that reality IS perception.

Amway, seems I’ve had plenty to ramble about for one post… I’ll have to get into my other Memory Lane trips in another one.

Bright Spots in the Dark

Memory Lane, Part II

So, in continuation of my previous post, my second recent “Memory Trip” happened with a dream… the subconscious being another one of those masked bandits that loves to trip you up every once in a while. I don’t remember exactly which night… it wasn’t too long after the song-assault on Saturday.

Representation of Dreams

I try not to take much stock in dreams… except as inspiration for some of my more fantastical stories. But through them I believe I’ve been able to track, to a certain extent, the process of my psyche healing over the last decade and a half. For example, dream sex used to always be with strangers, very empty, never in control, and very... well, wrong. I accepted this as a reflection of my inability to allow anybody close to me, if not an actual reflection of my view and experience of sex in general.

In the last few years, erotic dreams have shifted to familiar people… if not in real life, then I at least know them in the dream. Not quite “empty”… they seem on the brink of that emotional connection I’ve always wanted to find, but not quite trusting the situation to be true… not trusting myself to know the difference. And I’m in control in my dreams… of myself, of my choice, of my wishes... a HUGE deal for me, and indicator of my growth and strength in real life. They’re still not quite… right, but they are a far cry from the old jagged twist of WRONG.

An Old Friend

So this week’s dream actually featured a character from my past... High School, to be precise. A positive connection in my life from before my destructive introduction to the world of sex, but still in the murky midst of my low self esteem and confidence. This person was definitely a vibrant personality… one I genuinely cared about, and one of the very few I could actually physically curl up with, unencumbered by doubts of intent, reality or wondering what we meant to each other. I could rest assured we lay firmly within the realm of “friends”, and so I had no reason to doubt myself. For my part, I was too busy in the middle of a crush on somebody else, and for his part… well, I always suspected I was a bit too milquetoast for him to be interested in me romantically… lol I don’t doubt I still would be.

But it was a great friendship… part of a great group, some of whom I still remain pretty close with. In the midst of my personal struggles, all of them were literally a lifeline for me. I haven’t talked to him in years… not even sure where he is or what he’s doing. I don’t think he’s kept in touch with many… forging his own way on his own terms.

A Portent of Things to Come?

Now in the past, I HAVE had an uncanny tendency to discover long-lost friends or acquaintances within a year of dreaming of them out of the blue. So perhaps this is a good sign… though I don’t take much stock in the face value of his appearance in an erotic dream. Personally, I like to think it’s a small sign that my psyche is ready to apply positive characters and connections to it’s concept of romance and sex.

It’s a thought, anyway. But a positive one. :)

The Third Era

Eras

So I kinda view my life in five eras of connections: High School, the brief soap opera just after High School, the Navy, my first years adjusting to life in Misery (aka Missouri), and the Marvin’s years. (Marvin’s essentially representing the connections I’ve created purely online… long story, I’ll elaborate later). I don’t doubt there will be more eras… though I’m not sure when or where they will take place.

Memory Lane Part III

The third era was, of course, the Navy. My distorted view of sex and men was in full throttle, but I think those few years were also the turning point for the rest of my life… cultivating maturity, responsibility, self respect and a sense of value. The military can have a tendency to do that. As with all else, my connections there were a mixture of good and bad… but the good were awesome. I’m still in touch with a lot of them, also.

One of whom is Boomer… another one of those I lost touch with, then found again after dreaming about him. Well, actually, HE found me… small technicality. This was at least 2 or 3 years ago. Since then, we’ve pretty much picked up where our connection left off… with a small (okay, huge) divergence into… well, something else. But it wasn’t really a healthy divergence… at least not for me, so I’ve done my best to steer it back on course.

Admiral Me

Amway, we were part of a great group of peeps back then… not quite as intensely important to me as the last group, but still we had a lotta fun, a lotta laughs, a very easy going working and personal relationship, and they made their own special imprint on my heart. One day, as we were standing around laughing (instead of working) in the hangar, we started a one-up game over who could boss who around. By the luck of the draw, I ended up the 5-Star Admiral… who, consequently, trumps EVERYONE.

To this day, Boomer still calls me Admiral. It’s very endearing and a reminder of great days that can never really be duplicated, but endure through the evolution of friendship. I’m not sure what triggered the nostalgia this particular week… I mean, we chat regularly and he ALWAYS calls me Admiral each time we do. Perhaps it was my concern for his safety during Wilma, and a reminder of how much I value him and what he represents in my life.

A Not-so-Subtle Reminder

Amway, that’s pretty much it for my trips down Memory Lane this week. Kind of a strange onslaught… I mean, one can live quite contentedly without thinking about the past at all, and then they sometimes seem to hit ya with a kind of cascade effect, feeling as if they happened just yesterday. I suppose it’s a reminder that I should never become complacent… should always strive to improve myself. Remember my mistakes and lessons of the past, and set them to good use in the present and for the future.

Now don’t get me wrong… I am happy with the person I am today. I’m happy with my life. But I also know that I’ve gained this happiness by slowly fixing what’s broken… and I can’t stop now just cuz I’ve found a place in which I’m content living with something half healed.

A-Okay

So I got to chat with Boomer today, and he's just fine. Evidently, his greatest excitement was discovering a hornet's nest while putting up storm windows. Doh!

And that's about all I have to post about that. Wilma caused a lotta damage, but that's pretty much the nature of hurricanes. I haven't read of TOO huge a loss of life in the majorly hit areas of the Yukatan Peninsula, Haiti, Cuba and Florida so far... though I have yet to hear about how the idiots in the Keys who refused to evacuate and are now effectively cut off from the world, are doing.

The News talks about how everybody's becoming numb to all of these disasters... including the India / Pakistan \earthquake where the numbers of dead were last around 40,000. I suppose it's true. I mean, how much sadness and/or horror can a person take in? All we can do, I guess, is hope those we care about stay safe, and volunteer what we have to give to those who need it.

The Best Intentions of Friends

So I've had a few friends trying to nudge me out of my anti-social cocoon lately. And I can't really resent them for it... just so long as they understand that "more-pushy" equals "more-balky." :) And I think they do understand that. For the most part, anyway.

I Need a What?

IHOP Buddy, for one, has been attempting to hook me up... with just about anybody she knows, really... since we first met. Oh, she gave it a rest for a few years, but has recently become regalvanized. She's not quite the subtle nudging type... more like a woman with a mission once she gets something in her head. And I love her for it... but I think she knows when to stop pushing.

For now, I think she was inspired by a discussion this past week when she mentioned making up from a fight with IHOP Hubby... said make-up involved a massage. I probably should have known better, but I commented that that was one of the few things I regret missing out on living the solitary / anti-social lifestyle... the occasional massage or backscratch. After which she came to the brilliant conclusion that what I need is a truck driver... not in my face all the time, but good for that occasional companionship.

Actually, I have to agree her logic is sound... if she can manage to find a trucker unlike ANY I've met so far. No offense intended, but good-ol' boys just don't do too much for me. And unless a guy just blows me away, I can't see myself putting forth the effort to estabish that elusive comfort zone with an individual of the male persuasion. Of course, anything can happen, and I could end up eating my words. However... original inclination goes a long way towards accomplishing anything.

Office Party

My other li'l social-pusher is the Office Manager here at work. The building is having a holiday party next Friday, and she's asked more than once if I'm SURE I don't want to go. Granted, I think she's kinda feelin that the more peeps she knows there, the more comfortable SHE will be. And I understand that... however, I will not be that comfortable that easily. I know Mom and Pop are going, and I know I could always go with them. But I'm mostly still decided to stay home. I guess I could still always change my mind, but I'm kinda doubtin it.

My regrets to Office Manager... but she should have Mom and the New Girl to keep her company at least. :)

Mmmm... Cocoa

All is Good

Nothin' like a big ol' cup of hot cocoa on a quiet, crisp Fall Friday morning. :)

I'm happy with my home, I'm happy with my job, my relationships with friends and family are strong and positive, and I'm not currently in pain. My two-week bout of serious pain finally broke last weekend... though it's been on and off ever since. But right now, it's off, and I've only had to take pain meds once in the interim... which helps alleviate my concerns about dependency.

I have my sofa... Finally! And I've been diligently but modestly decorating my home for Autumn this week, with not TOO much emotional trauma to my credit card. All I have left is to wait for a leaf-decor coverlet (for the sofa) and a few other matching items I ordered from National Wildlife to arrive, and it will be complete.

So all is good in my own private li'l balance of good and evil... at least for the moment.

Not So Good

As for the rest of the world... well, it's the usual hate and discontent. And another whopper of a hurricane by the name of Wilma, wreakin havoc in Mexico and headed towards Florida. She's forecast to hit a bit south of my friend Boomer, who lives RIGHT on the Florida coast and happens to share a trailer with his dad while he's in school. I'm not too happy about that, but he doesn't seem to be overly concerned. He maintains that he's survived 4 Navy cruises, and is not intimidated by Mother Nature. *rolling eyes* He HAS, however, offered some small amount of reassurance that he at least has the sense to remove himself from the path of the coming freight train if she happens to shift course.

In all seriousness, though, I know I'll worry about him until I can get a hold of him after she's passed through. Since he's north of where her center's supposed to hit land, he shouldn't have as MUCH a danger of flooding as those to the south... but he's still gonna have some major winds to contend with. And if the electricity/phone lines/cell towers are compromised... well, I suppose I may not know for a while.

I still maintain that anywhere on that Gulf Coast is a crappy place to live these days. *sigh*

Victory!

'Nuff said. :)

5th Time's a Charm?

So I'm going to attempt (hopefully for the VERY last time) to get my damned sofa moved from my folks' place to mine this afternoon. I've just talked to IHOP Buddy and, so far, her truck has not broken down, none of her family members have had to be rushed to the hospital, and no other emergency has presented itself... as of yet. *knocking on every piece of wood handy*

Also so far, our manpower is still available. But I'm not counting this thing done until it's done. Too many things keep happening. *sigh*

First time we planned to try (months ago), it rained.... and the sofa has to come out the back of my folk's walk-out basement, through dirt (mud when wet, obviously) and grass up a hill to the front. We decided not to risk it.

Second time we planned it, IHOP Hubby had a sudden death in the family, and they had to go to a funeral that weekend.

Third time we planned it, IHOP Buddy had completely forgotten they'd planned a family VACATION for that weekend. This would be a good indicator for how stressed she was at the time, and subsequently needed that vacation. Which I didn't really begrudge her, but I was beginning to get frustrated.

Fourth time I tried a new avenue... a couple of the young, strong students from work, one of whom has a truck. But the day arrived and neither showed up. Turns out, the truck broke down, and said student didn't have any way to get a hold of us to let us know, except via our work e-mail. Which message, of course, neither mom nor myself saw until Monday. *sigh*

That was this past weekend. By Monday, I was of the "Fuckit... I'm hiring a damn mover" inclination. But I have one last shot of trying to do this inexpensively. IHOP Buddy has again volunteered the use of her truck if I could provide the manpower. So here's Try #5 with a combination of factors from the first four: IHOP Buddy's truck and student manpower.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed. If all turns out as it's supposed to, the students plan to go on their merry Friday night way, and IHOP Buddy + spawn + myself plan to celebrate at... well, IHOP. :)

Allergic

So I was talkin to Bus Snob the other day, and the conversation turned to the ever-present issue of pain and drugs, drugs and pain, in my world. She made a joking comment about junkies and our drugs... it's an old joke between us, and I pretty much laugh and agree. But I've become somewhat concerned about my increasing dependency on pain medication lately... and have attempted (mostly with failure) to cut back some in an effort to break the cycle. But I know I'm just a big ol' wimp... and have come to the conclusion that I'm simply allergic to pain.

The problem is: ever since about 3 days after I went off my amitriptyline a few weeks ago, serious neck and migraine pain has been a daily visitor... and I'm not really sure whether the weaning is the true instigator or not. I've faced a myriad of typical triggers recently... stress, strain, low weather pressure front, PMS... you name it, it's happened in the last few weeks. And the wonderful thing about pain is that it compounds on itself. My head feeds off my neck, which in turn sets off my stomach. I get tensed up, which starts the cycle again with my neck. Which is extremely swollen at the moment. I've trying Advil and lots of ice the last few days to reduce the swelling, but that's just more drugs to add to the menagerie.

So since I'm taking one form of pain medication or another every single day... I have to wonder if part of the pain is withdrawal, considering my primary meds are barbituates and habit forming. I've caught the hint of the beginnings of that pattern in the past, and took quick measures to cut it off at the quick. This time's not so easy. I've tried paying close attention to relaxing, getting up and walking periodically at work (which Bus Snob has also been helpful with as a little reminder alarm *grin*) , drinking lots of fluids... non-drug preventatives. But it just seems the more attention and effort I give the matter, the more I'm simply aware of the pain. If that makes sense.

Amway, I'm inevitably wondering if going back on the amitrip could be an answer. I dunno. I've rather liked actually waking up to my alarm clock in the mornings and actually getting to work in a relatively timely fashion. But if I go back, I want to do my best to be aware and understand all of the possible sources for this pain... so I know that the preventative medication is really the answer, and not just a cessation of other triggers. I may try to stick it out just a little bit longer... until mebbe this pressure front moves through, or I'm past the hormones, or at least get this swelling in my neck down. We'll see how it goes.

It's not an end of the world problem, just one I'm still trying thinking through and hope to find a solution soon.

Finally Catchin the Bug

So I think I'm finally gettin sick... after a year of holding my breath, wondering when it's gonna happen. See, since I almost always get sick when I travel, I started packin on the Vitamin C about a month before my trip to San Diego last October. I haven't been sick since... not even for the big worrisome flue season when they ran out of vaccinations.

And I've been waitin for the other shoe to drop ever since, considering I almost always get sick with the changing of the seaons... every year, like clockwork.

So I guess I took a break for a year, but am back to normal. Cuz I'm feelin the definate signs of a cold comin on. At least I should still be in decent shape to get to work tomorrow, since the Office Manager is out all week and I'm her backup. I can be sick over the weekend... even though I'm helpin the folks with their garage sale on Saturday, and we're gonna try to FINALLY get the sofa moved on Sunday. One of our student workers has a truck and has graciously volunteered his truck and himself to help out.

I guess we'll see how it goes. Blech.

Fall is Here!

So it finally dipped into the '60's today... yay! Fall is officially here. My favorite season... which I probably mentioned LAST Fall. But one can never appreciate Mother Nature too much.

Coincidentally, we are also without Heating/AC system for three days while the final steps are taken to divert our steam lines at work. They've been working on them all summer... ripping up one half of the parking lot or the other, forcing us to find creative parking alternatives.

So, with no atmospheric controls at all today, everybody's been runnin around freezing. I've been fine, though... so either this California wimp is finally adapting to Mid-West climate or I've finally acquired a decent layer of insulation. Either way, I'm fine... and lovin this weather. :)

Inspiration

So I've blogged a few of my bizarre dreams in the past. I had a whopper last week sometime... possibly Friday, don't really recall. And it was unusual in that it was practically a classic nightmare.

I think I've mentioned before that I don't have typical nightmares... with ghosts or goblins or monsters. Well, actually I do get all sorts of those characters, but I'm never AFRAID of them. I guess that's my definition of a nightmare... not the content, but my reaction to it. Namely, having the crap scared outta me.

But this one was chock full of the walking (and dancing) Dead (with a capital "D") existing simultaneously with the rest of us in the real world, only we can't see em. And they were pretty damned scary, once you could see 'em. Even scarier when ya can't STOP seein em and realize that all of us are really Dead (more of that capital "D") only some of us are merely delusional. Or something like that. There was more to it, but I'll leave that out for now.

Sounds like a classic horror flick, right? Or some bizarre allegory for poverty or some such. Amway, it's just these kinds of dreams... the ones that stick out in my memory with surprising clarity, emotion and detail, that become inspiration for stories. Almost every one of my short stories has been inspired by dreams... and are ultimately incorporated into my larger story. The one I've been workin on since High School and will probably be finished sometime after retirement. lol

So I already have a basic outline formulated in my mind for the story... and have considered possibly blogging it in portions. We'll see how or if I remain inspired. I finally finished up my Tak game, and actually started reading again this week (much to IHOP Buddy's delight, since I have quite a stockpile of books she's been trying to get me to read over the last year, at least). So mebbe after I'm finished with my current book, I'll start formulating my story.

I'm actually kinda excited... when I'm inspired and have a story working it's way around my head, it's really quite exhilirating. Of course, when I lose inspiration or hit a road block, I tend to lose interest quickly. Hence my lack of being a published writer... *grin*.

The Kitten Chronicles

So there was a kitten out front of my work building last week. Tiny li'l thing... didn't even have her eyes open yet. But she certainly had some strong vocal chords.

After much drama throughout the whole building (we have a pretty substantial staff) and rushing to PetCo for kitten formula and then rushing around trying to find something to poke a viable hole in the bottle nipple (these things don't come pre-poked?), the kitten finally got her fill and promptly passed out in the arms of her new mom.

Said new mom just came by our department to let us know how the li'l one is doing at home. Of course, she has to be fed every 4-6 hours or so, and the whole family is in on her 24-hour care. It has already been projected that she is going to be spoiled rotten. :)

Also... turns out somebody found the rest of the litter just up the hill from here. And well cared for, so Momma's still in the picture. It's kind of a busy area, so we're not sure if she was trying to move them to where we found our li'l presumed orphan, or the other way around. Either way, the litter is now no longer in that location, so we can just hope Momma is still searching for an ideal home. I feel kinda bad that she had a kitten kidnapped, as it were, but all we knew at the time was that the li'l one was alone and hungry and LOUD. And she's in a good home now. :)

Hooray for Word Verification!

So I recently discovered quite by accident what the Word Verification function is for in blogger settings. Sometimes these things aren't completely blonde-proof.

Amway, I turned that puppy on, and I think it's already started workin. According to my sitemeter, I've had a couple of total strangers enter my main page and exit my most recent post in a matter of seconds... usually a sure sign of the spam pellet perpetrator. But no pellets anymore... yay!

I highly recommend it to all. :)

Restroom Panic

So have you ever experienced that sudden panic that you're in the wrong restroom just as you're taking your seat?

No?

Oh... well, ummm... er, never mind.